The Wide World of Timbo

Don't call it a comeback! Seriously, don't.

2011-09-19T22:10:00.000-07:00

I think the time has come for me to revive this blog back to it's former glory, so I think I am going to start posting again.

We will see if I can maintain it, but I think I probably can. Plan for some posts, friends!

O. M. G. :(

2010-08-28T19:11:00.003-07:00

I am a huge AC/DC fan. Huge. I have every album, I can play large chunks of many of the songs, I have the DVD set, everything. They aren't quite my favorite band of all time, but they are pretty close. Now, I have a friend who hates AC/DC and would argue that they are everything that is wrong with rock and roll. He and I disagree strongly on that point of view, but I can guarantee with absolute certainty that he would view this video as I do: An abomination in the eyes of the Lord. Do not enjoy.

Scary movies are tiresome

2010-08-22T14:59:00.002-07:00

I know that horror movies are popular, and I know that they aren't going to go away, which is fine. I don't want them to go away, I just want them to be more interesting. Every once in awhile something comes out that gets everyone all excited, but for the most part, horror movies and slasher flicks all follow the same tired formula:

1. Cast a bunch of hot chicks that are nobodies and one or two hot chicks that have some street cred.

2. Repeat with some dudes. One, possibly two of those dudes must be black.

3. Have the entire group somehow inter-relate to each other regardless of the social or economic unlikelihood of this happening.

4. Kill one, possibly both of the black dudes. Also, one or two of the hot chicks.

5. Let the nerdy dude survive just long enough to impress upon one of the other hot chicks that he is worthy of her attention. In movies, as in life, once this beachhead has been established crushing disappointment (in this case, horrible death) will overwhelm him and push him back into the sea.

6. The known actors will make out.

7. Possibly both will make it, more likely just one. In any event, the monster/murderer will get "killed"

8. If more than forty-three dollars was made at the box office, start pumping out sequels.

9. Repeat. Endlessly.

However, I have come up with a concept that is not only relatively new, but I believe would also be interesting. Show the movie from the perspective of the monster. Seriously, hasn't anyone wondered what Freddy or Jason or Michael do in their spare time? I mean, they aren't always killing, right? It takes some time to plan out these attacks, so there have to be days where absolutely no slaughter occurs.

It's like NASCAR, really. Dale Earnhardt Jr. doesn't just race and make ads. He also sleeps, reads his mail, looks at the Internet, goes out to eat, and makes sweet, passionate love to groupies. I am better actual seat-time for Junior only takes up maybe 10-20 hours of his week. Therefore, it must be that Freddy, when not sticking his finger-knives through the supple flesh of teenage virgins, does something.

Therein lies the plot of the movie. Perhaps you show Freddy sitting around his apartment in hell playing x-box. He notices that there are all these sleeping bastards on whom he can exact his vengeance, but he just decides to make some popcorn and enjoy the new Halo. Perhaps he also enjoys painting or walking his dog or something similarly pedestrian. If nothing else, you gotta figure the guy reads or something. I assume it's something crappy like the Necronomicon, but still.

In any event, make something different and I will probably watch it.

Chocolate David

2010-08-01T17:44:00.000-07:00

One of my favorite artists ever is this guy named Phil Hansen. I like that he does cool stuff in totally unexpected ways. Anyway, not really a comedy post, but what can I say? I kind of like the art now and again too...

I have returned.

2010-07-28T18:14:00.009-07:00

Well, allrighty then.

After a layoff of more than a year in which I have spent time contemplating life and developing new ideas (to include finally deciding to give stand-up a try), I have decided to start the ol' WIde World of Timbo back up again.

I missed it, man... The camaraderie, the negative posts by anonymous, the monkey/bear scenarios... I missed it.

To welcome myself back and to prepare everyone for future hilarity, I give you Jane Austen's Fight Club. Let us get it on!

2010-05-11T19:16:00.002-07:00

Songs For Driver.

2009-08-21T15:18:00.002-07:00

Here are some songs for the band, man.

SOme good old blues reinterpreted

I like the slow, heavy groove on this one...

Finally, some rocking

Workplace safety is no joke.

2009-07-17T11:48:00.001-07:00

This is the most horrific workplace safety video I have ever seen. I got it off of Cracked.com, but it is evidently a real video. I don't want to plagarize, but what sort of fresh new hell do these people work in where everything from an impalement to a factory fire have occured? Also, the guy with the oxy-acetylene tank gets owned.

Kid + Sword

2009-07-16T20:32:00.002-07:00

All hail this kid with a sword. Before you question his judgement, understand that he is just excited that TWWoT is soon to be back.

Better news

2009-06-06T20:08:00.002-07:00

I am leaning more towards restarting the blog, but I want to change the way it looks.

That is all you get, for now.

Sad news

2009-05-28T19:25:00.003-07:00

Well, you may have noticed that I haven't posted anything in quite some time. Mainly (which is to say entirely), this is because I just haven't had the time, nor any good ideas. Rather than let this just sit, I am debating on just quitting the blog for a period of time.

In fact, the debate isn't so much whether or not to quit blogging, but instead for how long I should quit. For now, I think you can expect TWWOT to be dead for at least another month or so. If I fire it up again then, it will probably stay up. If I don't, well, who knows. Maybe never again.

In any case, this blog has been a lot of fun, and if I can come up with some more good ideas, I want to keep writing. For now, lets just say I need a sabbatical! Anyway, feel free to check in now and again, and if the outpouring of tears that me quitting for a little while is big enough, maybe I will start it up again sooner rather than later.

Thanks everyone for reading my stuff! I hope to be back soonish!

All Hail Logan

2009-05-01T20:10:00.001-07:00

In honor of the new and, I assume, totally awesome Wolverine movie, I present you with the following video. Be advised, it is not totally clean. I try to keep things safe for work, but this made me laugh hard enough that I am making an exception and posting something with a little bit of cursing in it. Ready? Ok.

Why Having Wolverine's Claws Would Suck -- powered by Cracked.com

Sorry.

2009-04-27T21:51:00.003-07:00

Well, my break has lasted longer than I thought, but I have been busy getting my new home in order. It turns out that I ended up basically replacing most of my crap, so it has been a somewhat long, and very expensive move. On the other hand, I am enjoying living in my place, particularly since it is all mine. Incidentally, all the anti-personnel defenses are in place, so please don't just drop by.

I feel a little bad about not posting anything, so here is a little slice of funny for you. Essentially, this kid is singing Britney Spears, his mom catches him and hilarity ensues. Kind of what you get for singing Britney Spears, I guess.

Hope for the new generation

2009-04-08T08:09:00.001-07:00

While all her friends were texting each other in class and reading Tiger Beat, this girl identified and solved a hyper-complex mathematical issue that deals with knot theory (whatever that is). Watching this video literally made me feel stupider.

Breaktime.

2009-04-06T23:03:00.000-07:00

On account of the fact that I am now a member of the landed aristocracy and have purchased my own 1000 square feet of heaven, condo-syle, I shall not be making posts for the next week or so in large part because my computer will be in transit and I am not sure when my cable/internet is going to get activated.

Word.

Awesome Old Skool jam.

2009-03-29T00:44:00.003-07:00

I know I said I wasn't going to post anymore music videos for awhile, but it is almost 2 in the morning and I am feeling inexplicably funky.

I can't say that I am a Stevie Wonder fan, per se. I mean, I recognize the fact that Stevie Wonder is something of a legend, but that doesn't mean that he hasn't put out some horrible, horrible music. Still, "Superstition" is about as fly a song as there is. When people ask me why I don't like modern R&B, I can point to this song and say "Because it is nowhere near as good as this." and be totally, unequivocably correct. No one in today's R&B scene can make a song better than this. No one. Not the funk, not the groove, not the voice. I am certain that there are a few modern singers who are able to sing along with it perfectly, but no one can make this song better or cooler, which is possibly the highest compliment I can think of for a song. That isn't to say that something cool doesn't come out once in awhile these days, but for the most part, it seems that R&B has been relegated to quasi-romantics who try to look street singing scales about getting laid. Obviously, I think that sucks, and I stand by that opinion.

Anyway, close your eyes and kick some mad flava in ya ear, my babies.

Evidently shark fin soup is really, really good.

2009-03-28T17:13:00.003-07:00

I have eaten a lot of weird stuff in my day, but I have to confess that I have never eaten shark fin soup. After watching this video, I feel like maybe I have been missing out on something.

Also, this is why I am single.

He haz all ur gunpowderz.

2009-03-24T20:12:00.003-07:00

I actually pulled this post off a little failed blog experiment that I did a while back, and I realized that it is still pretty funny. No rednecks were permanently harmed in the making of this video.

As I said in that post, and as I will say in this post, blowing stuff up is awesome. Unless you are a terrorist or the Unabomber, in which case you are teh suxxorz. So, restated less crazily, recreational demolition with no criminal malice intended or delivered is awesome. Anyhoo, what is even better than blowing stuff up personally is watching others blow stuff up. Particularly when they experience unintended consequences.

What makes this awesome is how the dude had the common decency to apologize for almost killing himself. I mean, this would be awesome regardless, but the addition of a courteous, self-effacing apology just puts it over the top. Over the top to TWWoT territory where it belongs, my babies.

Effortless.

2009-03-24T20:01:00.004-07:00

Finding comedy gold is effortless if you have my moron brain calling the shots...

Incidentally, I feel I have proved my point about the upcoming animal wars beyond argument.

I listened, and heard.

2009-03-23T21:11:00.005-07:00

To my loyal reader Kat, you wanted monkey/bear action, you got monkey/bear action.

Booyah. Also, here is a picture of a kitten. Enjoy.

New Link

2009-03-21T21:37:00.002-07:00

Also, I added a new link to DL Knives. If you enjoy custom knives, and I know I do, this guy does some very good work for a very reasonable price. Having talked with him here and there on the gun forum I frequent, I can also say that he is a pretty nice guy.

That is all.

Star Trek.

2009-03-21T21:24:00.005-07:00

Some of you may vaguely remember that a long time ago I wrote a blog in which I defended the average trekky. I have nothing against Trekkies. You want to dress up and learn a made up language in your spare time (of which, apparently, you have plenty.), what do I care? It's not like you are out slinging crack or bathing in puppy blood or something.

With that being said, Trekkies have an annoying habit of going way overboard. Take, for example, this video. This is a review of a movie that isn't even going to release for another month and a half, and will almost surely do a bazillion dollars worth of business world wide. This guy acknowledges that, but by Romulus, he found something that for him is a major issue. Observe:

Really? In a movie that features a molecular transportation device, aliens and, you know, intergalactic starships, you are angry because the San Francisco of the 24th century appears to be too big? Really? To prove your point, you show a picture of San Francisco 100 years ago, a time when buildings were made entirely with hand tools and people still thought of automobiles as something handcrafted by Satan? Dude, you can't compare the 24th century to the 19th. I mean, there is a big difference between a hammer and nails and a neutron hammer and laser nails, let alone the massive army of constructobots that I assume are responsible for all construction and city planning.

Ignoring that flaw in your logic, can I also point out that you are the type of nerd that ruins things for other nerds? Look, there are potentially thousands of Trekkies out there that would have watched this movie with complete satisfaction (other than wondering why James Tiberius Kirk looks like one of the Twilight Vampires), and now, they are all going to stomp out the theater upon viewing a potentially disproportional future city by the bay.

Thank you, on behalf of them, from me, jerk.

Comic Books: Rad or Sad?

2009-03-17T21:10:00.005-07:00

So, I really like comic books. Honestly, I probably like them too much considering that I have often (as recently as all the time) contemplated what the ultimate set of superpowers for me would be. In fact, they say the average dude thinks about getting they swerve on something like every 10 seconds. I think about getting freakadelic about every 15 seconds, but I consider the relative merits of flight over underwater breathing every 6 seconds. Clearly, I have issues.

Now, with all that being said, one line that I won't cross is cosplay. Cosplay, if you aren't nerdily aware is defined by Wikipedia thusly: "Cosplay, short for "costume play",^[1] is a type of performance art whose participants outfit themselves, with often-elaborate costumes and accessories, as a specific character". That sounds like a sure recipe for lonely nights spent in your moms basement playing D&D and wondering which one of your friends is going to see boobies before they turn 40, right?

Not so, friends. As it turns out, there are plenty of hot chicks that dress up in comic book clothes and go out in public. I suppose the jury is still out on whether or not they actually associate with dudes whose only apparent power is to avoid sunlight and cultivate acne, but it kind of makes sense there would have to be at least a little common ground, right? Well, whatever the case is, I say godspeed, Cosplaya. You couldn't get me out of the house in costume for love or money, but if that's what rings your bell, I say more power to you. Don't believe me? Take a look for yourself. I have kindly posted some pics for your research purposes:

Quick note: There are roughly 15 trillion pictures of chicks dressed up as Princess Leia. Also, the first chick is dressed as Jean Grey when she was first possessed by The Phoenix. Duh.

Ladies Home Defense Channel.

2009-03-16T16:43:00.002-07:00

Everyone knows I am exceedingly pro-gun, and part of that is because I believe strongly in guns as a means of self-defense. This video illustrates what happens when a woman gives herself the tools and the means to defend herself. Don't be a victim, ladies.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oq9tEi8FrAw&feature=related

WTF

2009-03-12T18:06:00.004-07:00

So, this is going to be my last music-related post for good long while. It's fun posting music, but it seems like that is all I am doing. Frankly, I am thinking of making a music only blog in which I post a video or two a week of different stuff I like. Whatever.

This post is simple: Watch the video and consider it from different perspectives. Post your opinion. I don't care if you think it sucks or rules, as much as I am just curious to see the reaction. Personally, if I look at it as a tribute to Johnny Cash that was done for fun, I kind of like it. Not love it, just like it. If I look at it any other way, it is pretty horrible. Watching the video, I get the distinct impression that Everlast did this song because he likes Johnny Cash, wanted to do something in tribute, and decided to have some fun with it instead of being all serious and tributey about it.

Also, notice the girl at 1:34. She totally has a "What the hell is going on here" look about her that makes me laugh.

More metal.

2009-03-07T16:51:00.002-07:00

In what has apparently become a spirit-quest for me, I have found yet another video of something not inherently metal mixed with real metal. I have no idea who this band is, and from the little I can hear, they kind of blow, but it is pretty funny regardless....

via videosift.com

Games and Zombies.

2009-02-21T21:58:00.002-07:00

If you like video games like I like video games, then you should buy Left 4 Dead. It is one of the better shooter type games I have played, largely because if you play mulitplayer you have to work as a team. This, in theory, keeps jerks that just like to teamkill and run around like idiots to a minimum. Besides all that, I like shooting zombies.

On the topic of Zombies, I must point out that these zombies lean heavily towards the "28 Days Later" style of Zombie in that they are quite fast. Also, Zombies can effectively be put down by repeated shots to the body. In reality, we all know that Zombies can only be re-killed by head shots, but games are an escape from reality.

The graphics are pretty good, the environment is fairly interactive, and the shooting aspect of the game is easy enough to be enjoyable. I don't want super easy shooting, but I don't want it to be incredibly difficult either. L4D seems to have a pretty good balance.

Buy it, play it, enjoy.

Ongoing year of music

2009-02-16T23:21:00.002-07:00

Evidently I have decided that this year I will be posting tons of music that I find cool. I really hadn't planned on it, but the more that I have looked around, the more cool stuff I have rediscovered. This guy, Seasick Steve, is great. I suppose the three string guitar is kind of gimmicky (although Seasick Steve is perfectly capable and frequently does play a regular guitar), but who cares? The guy has a great voice and the song sounds cool. Ultimately, I guess I really don't care about anything but how it hits me in the gut when I listen to it, and I like this man's music. Enjoy.

Sometimes, it's just too easy.

2009-02-14T22:25:00.002-07:00

The video I am displaying today isn't particularly new. In fact, I remember Justin and I laughing very, very hard at it a few years ago. It's hilarious, harmless, uber-nerd fun!

LIGHTNING BOLT! LIGHTNING BOLT! sleeeeeep... LIGHTNING BOLT!

Sissy.

2009-02-11T23:21:00.004-07:00

Hey, Japan! You know how you enjoy pretending that you will take all comers in giant war-robots that wield samurai laser swords and are capable of merging with other giant war-robots into extremely giant war-robots? That's pretty tough. Mix in a sprinkling of Ninjas, and the impression that we get is that you are a nation filled with tough, plucky dudes willing to go the distance in a fight.

Except for this:

No one is going to run in fear of your giant war-robots when you run in fear of an admittedly large American simply taking his base after you plunk him. Like, I know that there was about a nano-second there when it looked like he was charging the mound, but the replay shows pretty clearly that the real problem is that your pitchers are evidently incapable of pulling thier skirts up when they play.

Also, you have a team called the "Swallows". Really? Was "Chickadees" taken? Are there no predatory birds in Japan suitable for a team name? Additionally, you do realize you have a team called the "Ham Fighters", right?. What are we to think of all this, Japan? You run away at the drop of a hat, one team is named after the lamest bird ever, and the best thing you could think to fight is ham. I need only point out, again, that this is the land of the Ninja.

Sorry, Japan. You make awesome video games and home electronics, and having lived there for an extended period, I can vouch that the country is a delight. Unfortunately, you lack street cred and so I can never again wonder when the day will come that mech-battles will take place in the skies above Tokyo without laughing.

Random Thoughts.

2009-02-09T21:25:00.002-07:00

So, I have some random thoughts I would enjoy sharing. Here they are in handy list form:

1. I hate February. Every bad thing that has ever happened to me happened in February.

2. I just bought a new TV and it rules. All Hail Television.

3. I also bought a new Wii to go with my new TV. All Hail the Wii.

4. Tax refunds are awesome.

5. Tax debits are decidedly less awesome.

6. Seriously, my new TV is pretty awesome.

7. I use the word "awesome" way too much.

8. I invited my mother and step-dad over for a Wii party, largely to demonstrate how awesome my new TV and Wii are.

9. Dang it, there I go again with the "awesome".

10. You know a word I should use more often that I like? Nebulous. Nebulous is a great word.

11. You know what word I hate? Scrumptious. I really, really hate that word.

12. This might be the lamest post on TWWoT ever in the history of TWWoT. Seriously.

Here is a funny picture to try and redeem myself after subjecting you to this garbage..

Ha. Emo kids are funny looking....

Sorry.

The Blues.

2009-01-29T21:12:00.003-07:00

So, my last couple of music posts have resulted in a rollicking good discussion between AT and I about who sucks and who doesn't when it comes to the guitar. While we disagree on a couple of points, we also agree on others. One guy in particular he mentioned that a lot of people may not have heard of is the Master of the Telecaster, Albert Collins. He is gone now, but man, the Iceman could play. Here is a video of him throwing down:

Also, just to please my faithful reader Katdish, here is a video of SRV shredding a version of "Voodoo Chile (slight return)" from 1983. Righteous.

What?

2009-01-27T20:44:00.004-07:00

So, I am going to start trying to throw in some shorter posts in between my longer ones in order to create a little more stupid stuff for everyone to look at. This should have the effect of more frequent postings that won't cut into my precious "me" time.

In order to find funny stuff, I am just going to do a Google image search random phrases that pop into my head. This time, I googled the phrase "taming the beast". Perhaps unsurprisingly, the photos often depicted porn and/or World of Warcraft nerd showing off their in-game pets. But, in between the boobies and the nerd-sweat, I did find this little gem:

Seriously? In my wildest dreams I didn't think I would strike comedy gold this quickly. I can only imagine the fame and fortune I will attain if all my ideas work out this good.

I am a jerk.

2009-01-27T07:42:00.003-07:00

In a move solely designed to poke at "anonymous" from the comments section in my last post (I know who it is), I have decided to post this video. Anonymous will almost assuredly have a stroke while watching this, but I think he will also get a laugh out of it. Anonymous, this is for you:

Genesis.

2009-01-22T18:56:00.003-07:00

So, you know how in your life there are a few moments that you can clearly remember things changing for you forever? Like, from that moment on, you were different? I do, and that is what this post is all about. It's not funny so much as nostalgic, but for whatever reason it just seemed like something to write about.

6th grade, 1984.

Up to this point in my life, I didn't listen to much rock. I was a KISS fan, but they got a little out of control and my mom sort of put the kibosh on my membership to the KISS army. I would occasionally go over to this one guys house, and his older brother would be playing Led Zepplin or Black Sabbath or something, and I thought it was awesome, but those little snatches of radness just never took hold. Really, up to that point, I was more of a country fan, because that was what my folks listened to.

Then came a revelation: 1984 by Van Freaking Halen. Eddie Van Halen was the coolest guitar player ever, and for whatever reason, I was able to listen to Van Halen without getting any static from the parents. Man, I think I wore out 3 cassettes over the course of 1984 listening to 1984. A bunch of other cool records came out that year: Pyromania by Def Leppard, Metal Health by Quiet Riot, Tooth and Nail by Dokken. I listened to them all, but Van Halen ruled with an iron fist. I loved Van Halen. I still love Van Halen. I will die loving Van Halen.

Looking a little deeper, I can even pinpoint the exact song that changed everything. It was "Hot for Teacher". The second I heard "Hot for Teacher" I was hooked. Add to that the incredibly awesome video (Ms. PhysEd still haunts my dreams), and it becomes a little clearer why a bored 6th grader looking for an identity and something to latch on to found the best band in the world.

Thinking about it now, it surprises me a little that I can point not only to one particular band, but one individual song. Why did that song stick, where "Dancing on the Ceiling" or some song by Culture Club didn't? Why Van Halen? Why not Sabbath, or Aerosmith, or Foghat? I don't really know, but it did, and the result is me.

Enjoy watching a key turning point in my life!

Spongebob Metal Pants: Part Two.

2009-01-21T18:37:00.003-07:00

So, I have posted a Spongebob/Metal mashup before, but this one is way better than the first one, if for no other reason than the following things happen during the course of the video:

1. Spongebob wears some totally metal glasses.
2. Spongebob is apparently some sort of Metal Freedom Fighter, blowing up a prison wall to let bunnies and stuff out. In other words, Screw the man.
3. Patrick appears in drag.
4. Spongebob rips a totally awesome guitar solo that culminates in laser beams shooting from his guitar, freeing his fans from the oppression of the aforementioned "man" and ultimately his rocking results in a new world order.
5. Spongebob is dressed as a wizard while ripping the above solo.
6. Again, Patrick appears in drag.

Anyway, enjoy the metal. If you care, the band is called The Black Dahlia Murder, and I think the song is called, simply, Funeral.

Hudson River Hero.

2009-01-16T07:35:00.004-07:00

By now, pretty much everyone is familiar with the plane crash, and familiar with the fact that the pilot, Chesley "Sully" Sullenberger, is a hero who kicked death in the ass. Irrationally, I am especially proud of Sully Sullenberger because he is a University of Northern Colorado grad.

That's right, people. If you are in a plane and it is plummeting to earth, you don't want some Harvard a-hole sitting behind the stick. UCLA frat boys sitting there, doing keg stands in the cockpit? Pshaw. Thee Ohio State University? CU? Kansas? Nope, nope and nope. If your pilot graduated from any of those places, or any place other than UNC, you better hope you have your life insurance forms filled out in the event of an emergency.

Nope, if you want to live, you get on the plane with Sully Freaking Sullenberger. Those passengers are just lucky Sully didn't roll that bird onto it's back and give the devil the finger (it's a Top Gun reference, and if you don't get that, your probably a Chinese Communist) before safely guiding it into the river.

God Bless Sully Sullenberger, and God Bless UNC.

JEB2012

Slingshot or Death Weapon?

2009-01-11T16:26:00.002-07:00

There really isn't a whole lot to say about this video. This old guy basically makes slingshots, then shoots everything in his path. I can't think of a single thing that I could say to make this more awesome.

Update

2008-12-27T22:04:00.001-07:00

Hey everyone! I finally have my computer problems solved, which was a gigantic pain. Whatever, I have bent technology to my will, and while doing so have amassed a fair number of ideas for 2009. I apologize for the infrequent and inconsistent posts, but TWWoT is back on track, and I will start updating again in the new year.

On that topic, I would like to thank everyone who takes the time to read my stupid little blog, to include my heckler. I appreciate that you all seem to enjoy reading something that I enjoy doing, which largely consists of me trying to be funny. Or, as my heckler suggests, posting Neatorama posts. Whatever the case is, I wish you all a happy New Year and a belated Merry Christmas.

Classroom Prank

2008-12-10T20:20:00.003-07:00

This little video, taken from Neatorama, is an example of a classroom interruption that sparkles with class and zazz.

This is much different than my college classroom interruptions, many of which Randy The Funkee Homosapien was witness too. Notably, I am reminded of my behavior during a little activity that we took part in during our History Methods class.

The instructor set us up so that we were competing countries on the brink of war, gave us some information, and then set us up in different rounds of negotiation. I quickly established an alliance with a neighboring country, and then threatened genocide on the remaining countries, barred diplomatic access (and contemplated taking one of them hostage), and gave a presidential address to the assembled class in which I threatened to "drive our enemies before us while listening to the lamentations of your women". The excercise was supposed to mimic the beginnings of WWI, and I think that the hope was that we would be able to make peace. I on the other hand would have launched a preemptive thermonuclear strike if I could have.

Luckily, I think Randy was a part of my oligarchy and thus was spared the life of a plebian.

Epic Fail, Educational System.

Technical Problems

2008-12-09T14:15:00.001-07:00

Howdy, y'all. I am experiencing some rather craptastic techincal problems with my computer, so that is why there have been no new posts on TWWoT as of late. Hopefully, these problems will be cleared up soon, but I just wanted to let you all know whats going down...

Happy Thanksgiving

2008-11-27T10:01:00.002-07:00

In order to give you something to be thankful for today, I am going to roll out this video that has been around awhile, but always makes me laugh. Ergo, you can be thankful for having something to laugh at, and having me to provide it for you. I prefer you express your thanks by credit card, money order or cash.

Anyway, this is a guy doing a dramatic reading of some high school break-up letter, and it's funny.

Does not compute...

2008-11-25T22:06:00.001-07:00

The Dogg Father and Martha "Lucifer" Stewart? Truly, the Apocalypse is upon us.

Back in the Saddle

2008-11-23T21:20:00.002-07:00

Allright. I found the perfect thing to get me back in the ol' blogging saddle. Actually, it's a combination of two perfect things: High-level competitve ping-pong and Bruce Lee. As nerdy as it sounds, I find competitive ping-pong to be absolutely fascinating. I refuse to call it "table tennis" on the grounds that ping-pong is more fun to say, but whatever you call it, it's pretty freaking awesome. Bruce Lee needs no introduction, and if you don't know why he is the coolest, I don't know that I can explain it to you. Anyway, thanks to Neatorama for once again brightening my day.

Sadness

2008-11-11T23:05:00.003-07:00

So, I typically write something for Veterans Day, as it is a special day for me, but today just ended up being a sad one for me. Without saying names, as I don't think that is necessarily something I want broadcast on the web, I learned that one of my Aunt's died today. Needless to say, I am pretty sad about her passing. I am even more upset for my Uncle and three cousins, who are obviously feeling a tremendous loss right now. Anyway, for obvious reasons, my funometer is pretty low at the moment, so I am definitely putting TWWoT on hiatus for a week or so.

Barakedy.

2008-11-05T17:42:00.001-07:00

I am still feeling generally unfunny, so I have had to outsource my humor to better funded and funnier people than me. Enjoy this extremely hilarious video. The Mandarin, you especially will enjoy this...

Obama Win Causes Obsessive Supporters To Realize How Empty Their Lives Are

Mini-break

2008-11-01T18:22:00.002-07:00

If the readers and heckler of TWWOT don't mind, I am going to take a little mini-break. For personal reasons made clear just today, I am just not feeling particularly creative or funny. I should probably have something up in about a week or so.

Mike Singletary will save football.

2008-10-27T19:06:00.003-07:00

The above press conference is long, but worth watching if you are a football fan. Not only does Mike Singletary say that Vernon Davis would be better off taking a shower and watching the game from the sidelines, but you can almost literally watch the deep, red rage build within him. That's cool, because Mike is old school.

Mike Singletary is one of my all-time favorite players. I cannot even begin to tell you how badly I wanted to hit someone so hard my helmet broke, which Mike did on a seemingly regular basis. He wasn't the most flashy dude on the field, but when you can lay the wood like he laid the wood, you don't have to be flashy to get the recognition. Refrigerator Perry and Jim McMahon might have been the stars, but Singletary was the best player on that Bear's team outside of Walter Payton. Samurai Mike was the man, and I am telling you right now that he can still probably hit harder than half the dudes in the NFL.

So now I am going to have to start rooting for the 49'ers. I shall never betray my beloved Denver Broncos, but San Francisco just became a substantially more interesting team to me. Also, here is a picture of Samurai Mike in his glory days:

Well, this just sucks.

2008-10-23T17:53:00.002-07:00

Curiously, after being told by Anonymous that my effort has been heading downhill, I find that my effort really has been heading downhill the last couple of days. What can I say, I have a job now! Anyhoo, the above video is a perfect example of why skydiving is sort of dumb.

Also, I just now realized that I was unintentionally hilarious with my title. You know, I said "this just sucks" and the guy was sucked out of the plane? Comedy gold!

Selma Blair is awenificent.

2008-10-20T20:57:00.001-07:00

Selma Blair is both cute and, apparently, magical. Word.

Empowering Chimps

2008-10-20T20:05:00.002-07:00

Well, at this point I think it is well-established that I like monkeys. I think it is also well-established that I think that monkeys and bears will one day band together and kill us all. Given this video, it may seem odd that I bring this up, but let me explain after you watch:

So, while it is kind of funny and weird that this chimp eventually figures out how to turn and stuff on a Segway, I have to question the wisdom of teaching him these skills at all. I mean, why not just teach him how to shoot, drive and maintain a tank while you're at it? Teaching monkeys how to master human technology is never a good idea, except in the rare occasion that it is not possible for them to learn to use it against us.

Also, I have to point out that I typically shy away from posting Japanese show clips on my blog. It's far, far too simple to comment on the overall wackiness of the Japanese, and I could easily do nothing but. As a result, I rarely do so, but this event seemed to warrant it.

Karate bricks and my feelings.

2008-10-19T16:22:00.003-07:00

Evidently, the quality, content and effort of my blog has been underperforming as of late. My feelings on this issue feel like these bricks, which is to say "completely unperturbed".

10 Brick Karate Chop @ Yahoo! Video

Cool Video

2008-10-18T09:32:00.002-07:00

I am not a particularly big fan of the song, but the video is pretty awesome. I got this video from Neatorama, who got it from Dark Roasted Blend, who got it from GHost Dog, who got it straight from RJD2. This, of course, means that I am at the top of this particular blogging food chain. Huzzah! Anyway, the video is rad, and the parts where it looks like the guys is using heelies is apparently just the radness of the dancing, not actual heelies. Enjoy!!

Oh Noez! Aliens iz attacking!

2008-10-14T20:14:00.004-07:00

I enjoy browsing various gun and knife forums. There is a lot of interesting information, a bunch of nice people, and quite a bit of stuff that I didn't know about to be learned from them. Correspondingly, there are also a lot of wackos. Predicatably, this post isn't about the nice, normal people. Nope, not about them at all.

Instead, this post is about the wackiest wacko to ever wack the wacky. This dude claims, in all apparent seriousness, to have gotten into a knife fight. With an alien. Specifically, the alien pictured at the beginning of this post. I would like to think that this is just some sort of fun exercise in creative writing, but I really don't think that it is, which of course works out pretty good for me. I am going to comment on just a few little things that I noticed about this post, but you really have to read the whole thing to appreciate it.

Allrighty. So the first thing that I would like to point out, was that this dude was pretty angry. How do I know? Because Daniel, the human component of this tale, tells us he was in a murderous rage. His wife confirms this in a later post by saying he was "sky high" with rage. Rage, apparently, is a requirement for successfully shanking an alien that creeps into your perimeter.

Another important component is the fact that you must have a cleverly named knife. Why dudes that want to pretend that they are knife-fighting experts always refer to knives as "blades", I don't know. Whatever. The point is, you have to have one, and it has to have a name. This particular dude named his knife the "Good News". In his own words, should that alien bastard come back, he is going to give him the good news again, so he better watch out, or else he is going to "meet Jesus". This brings up another interesting, if not unnecessarily philosophical, point. How does Daniel know that the alien is going to meet Jesus? Perhaps the alien will go and meet Hglkunar, Ruler of the 3 levels of Gthalm instead. All I am saying is that it is somewhat presumptious to assume that Jesus is the alien fish-man's diety.

Continuing our run down the rails on this crazy train, Daniels wife posts some pictures of her husbands post-battle injuries, all of which left me convinced that at worst Daniel had a bad rash from running through a briar patch. Look at them yourselves. Do those look like the injuries of someone who got all stabby with an alien? I say thee nay, they do not. Despite his wife declining to show pictures of his face, I want to see it, because you will note that Daniel actually lost the good news by embedding it into the aliens neck, and as a result was forced to start headbutting the alien. I should think that headbutting an alien would leave substantially cooler wounds.

Finally, I like the part where the aliens came and cleaned up after Daniel and his old lady fell back asleep, evidently spent from straight up murdering an alien. Really? I mean, you know, really? You gave this alien the stabbing the he so richly deserved, sent him back to Gamma 3 with the good news sticking out of his neck, and they came and cleaned up? Dude, thats AWESOME!!!

Seriously though, you all should go buy knives and work on your murderous rages. This could happen to you. Read the link in all of it's glory!

http://www.abovetopsecret.com/forum/thread369106/pg1

Funtime!

2008-10-06T21:51:00.002-07:00

I like monkeys, and I like monkeys that kick things. Rock on.

Edit on 10/18/08

I had to take the game down because I was tired of hearing this stupid monkey kick his stupid ball every time I got online. Enough, monkey! We get it! You like to kick things!

Evidently, water is groovy.

2008-10-04T22:37:00.003-07:00

Through a long and convoluted journey through the bowels of the Internet, I stumbled across a website by a guy named "Mr. Emoto" in which he reveals the secret healing powers of water. Evidently, "From Mr. Emoto's work we are provided with factual evidence, that human vibrational energy, thoughts, words, ideas and music, affect the molecular structure of water, the very same water that comprises over seventy percent of a mature human body and covers the same amount of our planet." (actual quote.). Mr. Emoto also includes several pictures of water crystals taken while playing music and after having typed messages taped to bottles of distilled water.

Breaking this down a little, let me respond to the following: We cannot have factual evidence of how awesome water is when it based on the decidedly nonfactual claim that there exists "human vibrational energy". Also, and I very honestly might be wrong on this as my knowledge of chemistry is very weak, but isn't the molecular structure of water pretty much always going to be H2O? How does one affect that?

This all basically serves to point out one of my pet peeves: Wacky new-age theories on how to heal. Look, spiritually, you can believe whatever you want. I neither care nor concern myself with the wide variety of things in which people place their faith. That being said, please don't try and convince me that playing Vivaldi is somehow going to make the water I drink better and bring about significant health benefits.

It's not that I think that modern medicine is always right, nor is it to say that traditional remedies are always wrong. It is to say that in no way, shape, or form do I believe that exposing my water to Slayer is going to have a negative effect on how it chemically reacts within my body. I mean, I am drinking water out of a cup with the Colorado Avalanche logo on it as I type this. Mr. Emoto's "research" would indicate that I might be better served by drinking from a cup with a Blackhawks logo, or perhaps even no logo at all. My own research leads me to believe that it is entirely likely that Mr. Emoto would posit that I should drink from a cup made of iron extracted from a fallen star and forged by dwarfs deep within the Carpathian forest. Further, I should probably stand in the healing circle of healing while sipping it.

Mr. Emoto also apparently believes that our souls turn into water when we die:

"Similarly, when a person dies their body loses several grams of weight -- what some people think of this as the weight of the soul. But then we can often visually see them. I think that the soul has mass, and that it returns to water molecules. And because it has mass, it is affected by the gravitational pull of the earth. And so sometimes the soul cannot transition over to the other side."

Essentially, Mr. Emoto just said that for every sip of magic healing water, you're basically pounding down someone's soul. Gross.

Anyway, it's just my own little pet peeve and I thought I would share it. If I have offended with my rejection of the mystical powers of water or human vibrational energy, too bad. Drink some water that has a message about forgiveness for my faults taped to the cup and deal with it, wacko. If you want to read more about Mr. Emoto's fantastic discovery, click here:

http://www.life-enthusiast.com/twilight/research_emoto.htm

Thomas Magnum v. Parrot

2008-09-29T17:00:00.003-07:00

I liked Magnum P.I. back in the day. Tom Selleck was the coolest, what with his sweet 1911 and his Ferrari and his free bachelors pad on a Hawaiian plantation. Throw in the seemingly endless stream of hot-to-trot chicks, occasional gun-battles and two best friends that own, respectively, a helicopter and a bar, and you pretty much have the perfect life.

Not all was good in Magnum-town though. Every once in a while Magnum would flashback to Vietnam, and I have to assume that the Ferrari got a flat tire here and there. Plus, you know, skin cancer? Put on some lotion, Magnum. More troubling than the PTSD and the cancer was the fact that Higgins was always on his case, man. Stupid Higgins/Robin Masters, why can't you leave Magnum alone? He shoots the guns and flies in helicopters, you discuss DeBussy and Proust with your friends and leave it at that.

Occasionally though, Higgins proved useful. Take the video below, for example:

Uhh... What? Seriously? An old lady ordered her attack parrot to attack Magnum in order to keep him from attacking her for attacking Higgins? That would be crazy enough on it's own, but then you have to consider this: Higgins convinced the parrot to cease it's attack and commit suicide by talking to it. In it's native tongue. Out of all the possible talents in the world, who would have thought that would be the one to keep him from getting shot?

Bro's, Magnum P.I. is the coolest. I bet that pansy Michael Knight couldn't have talked a parrot into killing itself.

Football is a delight.

2008-09-26T16:41:00.003-07:00

Me here at the Wide World of Timbo likey sports. I mean, this blog is named after the "Wide World of Sports", right? It makes sense, although I wonder if anyone ever caught on to my blatant rip-off.

Anyway, I like sports. Sports, sports, sports. In particular, I like football. The video clip below highlights one of the most amazing catches ever in the history of terrestrial man, and possibly even extra-terrestrial man. Or, as E-TM like to be called, "Manbots".

Whatever. Check out the clip, because it really is a pretty amazing catch.

Rock and Roll will never die.

2008-09-21T21:44:00.004-07:00

Lita Ford and Joan Jett are both over 50 now. Lita was always a little to cheesy for my tastes (although she was sort of hot), but Joan Jett... man, she can rock it old school. There are just a few people who I think can really dig down and rock people on a primal level, and Joan Jett is one of them (along with the seemingly immortal AC/DC).

Anyway, thinking about Joan and Lita getting older made me think about them at their youthful prime, specifically the very awesome band that both were in, The Runaways. Here is a video for Cherry Bomb, which is a great song by a great band...

And, since I mentioned AC/DC, here is a video of Bon Scott era AC/DC (my favorite AC/DC lineup, by the way) rocking out "Whole Lotta Rosie". This video is especially cool because Angus switches guitars in midsong, comes back with a guitar with no strap, and then continues to rock it while some roadie runs out and straps him up while he is ripping a solo. Awesome.

Trolls, be warned.

2008-09-18T23:37:00.002-07:00

This dude really seems to hate trolls. So much so that he proclaims that the troll reign of terror is at an end, presumably by his hand. Sadly, despite my general dislike of trolls, I will not be joining him in his war, and I do not suggest that any of you, my beloved readers, ally yourself with this crusader either.

The worst part about this is that I really am not sure if he is talking about internet trolls or actual trolls. I thought internet trolls right up until he said "trolls and trollkind", which implies that he is talking about real trolls.

Well, whatever. If you don't like trolls, and are thinking of taking that dislike to the next level, this is your guy, I guess...

Political Ad

2008-09-14T12:20:00.003-07:00

TWWOT is not a political blog, and while I am posting a pro-McCain ad, I sincerely want everyone to vote for whichever candidate they truly feel is best. I am posting this ad simply because I am a veteran, and I find this to be a powerful ad. If you are pro-Obama and anti-war, you will probably not like this ad. Feel free to comment as you see fit, but I will immediately delete any comments that are vitriolic in nature. I am respectfully putting up an ad that represents this veterans (and by extension my own) opinion, and I only ask that if you disagree you do so with an equal measure of respect.

Also, while this video is available to all on Youtube, I found it on fellow High Roader John Shirleys blog, Wandering Thoughts. You can find a link to his blog in my links section!

Balcony Farming

2008-09-13T15:20:00.004-07:00

Sitting at work with 5 minutes left in my day yesterday, my work-mate and I were talking to one of the clients, and as is my custom when somewhat delirious, I immediately started saying out loud all the crazy thoughts running through this racquetball court of a brain I have. What came out was my idea for balcony farming.

Since I live on the third floor of an apartment building, I simply do not have the acreage necessary to do any full-on agricultural projects, and I really don't want to "garden", so I started thinking about possibilities that are outside the box. The other side of this is that I am interested in being able to get the freshest produce and meat possible. This way, the food goes from balcony to table in mere seconds.

What came to me is that there are miniature versions of most common farm animals available for purchase. There is no miniature cow that I am aware of, but there are miniature horses, potbellied pigs, pygmy goats, and I am sure I can find some sort of chicken that is pretty small. The horse is necessary because I won't have room for a tractor, and will need something to work my tiny fields with. Update: I actually just googled "miniature cow" and by god, it turns out that there is such a beast. They are apparently just as delicious as a normal cow, but 3/4 the size. Excellent!!!

Of course, space will be at a premium, but if the miniature animals can all get along decently, that will make life easier on everyone. If they don't get along, well, that just means that it is time to eat. Speaking for myself, I am always at my best behavior when I think that acting otherwise might mean that I become dinner. This motivational tool will also be used to get the miniature animals to use a special area called "my bathroom" for their toilet needs. I would prefer to keep the farm totally on the balcony, but my plan is doomed if miniature feces is constantly raining down on the two floors below me. The only problem with this compromise is that I don't want any of the miniature animals getting the wrong idea: They are farm animals, not pets.

For my crops, which will not be subject to snatching by any cops, I have yet to decide. Looking out of my balcony door at a row of delicious corn sounds good, but it may be impractical from the standpoint of getting a combine in. Since I will be the only one eating the bounty of my balcony, I don't have to grow particularly large vegetables. The problem is that I just haven't really researched what tiny vegatables are available.

Anyway, don't steal my idea.

Satano-Baby?

2008-09-11T20:46:00.007-07:00

So, because I am too lazy to go to the actual Wal-Mart, I was perusing walmart.com tonight, and they had the above Disney ad posted on the home page of the site.

Is it just me, or does that baby look sort of, you know, evil? It may have something to do with the fact that the baby has a succubus drinking it's blood, but whatever the case is, that baby has some crazy eyes that will very likely haunt my dreams this evening.

The Wide World of Timbo bids thee farewell, Earth.

2008-09-09T19:11:00.004-07:00

So, everyone else is talking about the Large Hadron Collider (LHC) and how tomorrow might very well herald the end of Earth, and I figured that I would jump on that LHC train too. Also, it finally gave me a excuse to post the above picture in such a way that I am not revealed to be a perv.

So, for those of you not in the know, the LHC is basically a gigantic ring in which particles are accelerated and then rammed into each other, at which point nerds with PhD's gather around and observe stuff. It sounds innocent enough, but there is evidently a chance that when they fire that baby up, a black hole will be created. A black hole would be bad. Very bad. Super bad. Holy-crap-we-are-all-doomed bad. Apocalyptic bad. How bad? Pretty bad, that's how bad.

On the other hand, most scientists say that we are in no danger whatsoever, and are actually looking forward to the LHC revealing (or disproving) the existence of the elusive Higgs Bosun. Don't know what the Higgs Bosun is" Here, straight from Wikipedia, is an explanation:

"The Higgs boson or BEH Mechanism, popularised as the "God Particle", is a hypothetical massive scalar elementary particle predicted to exist by the Standard Model of particle physics; it is the only Standard Model particle not yet observed. Experimental observation would elucidate how otherwise massless elementary particles nevertheless manage to construct mass in matter. More specifically, the Higgs boson would explain the difference between the massless photon and the relatively massive W and Z bosons. Elementary particle masses, and the differences between electromagnetism (caused by the photon) and the weak force (caused by the W and Z bosons), are critical to many aspects of the structure of microscopic (and hence macroscopic) matter; thus, if it exists, the Higgs boson is an integral and pervasive component of the material world."

So there you have it. Anyway, back to scientists. Notice how I didn't say "all" scientists think it is safe, and that we should collide particles until the break of dawn? It wasn't the lady at the Waffle House that came up with that black hole theory, dudes. Nope, it was other scientists.

Here is hoping that the majority is correct. Life can be hard, but in general I enjoy it. I certainly enjoy it enough to not want to die because some Euro's decided, mistakenly, to tamper with the elemental forces of nature. Sure, it sounds kind of cool to die in a black hole, and movies have been made that indicate that getting sucked into a black hole might result in getting plunked into an alternate, and far radder, reality, but the fact is that I think it would suck way more than it would rule.

Allrighty then. Those are my thoughts on the LHC. I know it's a little played out, but if this ends up being my last blog, no one will care anyway.

EDIT TO ADD: Humanity has survived to plunder another day! Huzzah!

The art of balance.

2008-09-06T10:58:00.005-07:00

Balance. We all seek to achieve it. The rappers in this song achieved it by balancing the crazzapliest song possible with one of the coolest videos possible, relative to the song.

My only real complaint with the video is that about halfway through, I realized that the if the dancing ladies were really filmed in the 70's, they could then theoretically be any of my friends moms, or mine. I don't know about you other Gen X'rs, but the last possible thing that I want to imagine is my mother, or the mothers of the members of my flying squadron "walking out".

Please be advised: I try to keep TWWOT clean so as to make is SFW, but I really didn't listen to the song, so it is entirely possible that it is inappropriate. It sucks pretty bad anyway, so if you hit mute, you're not really losing out on anything.

Also, please feel free to use my new word "crazzapliest" in daily conversation. The etymology of the word is this: I was thinking of the word crappy and the word dazzling, as in "This song is dazzlingly crappy", and realized that I just didn't like how that flowed. Thus, I combined the best parts of the two words into one substantially more awesome and totally new word: Crazzapliest. You pronounce this new style thusly: Cra-zapp-lee-est. The "Cra" part should sound like the "cra" part in both "Crap" and "Crab", not like the "Cra" part in "Crazy". Aside from my original usage, here are some various forms of the word, presented as sentences:

1. That sushi is crazzappaly.
2. This new Britney Spears album has reached 9.3 on the crazzaplometer.
3. That sucks by an order of crazzaplitude.

Take note that my word absolutely does not share any lineage with the now extremely played out and decidedly not cool "izzle" effect, made popular by Snoop Dog. If it did, it would have been crizzle-dizzle", which is wack.

Oh yeah, the video. Enjoy!

Edit to add: So, I actually did about 5 minutes worth of research and discovered a few things. First, this actually was filmed back in the 60's, and the song that they were originally dancing to is called "Mexican Breakfast". It's kind of a surfy-jazzy sort of thing. Second, the lead dancer is a lady named Gwen Verdon, and it turns out that Gwen Verdon was like a mega-monster Broadway star. She died back in 2000. This pretty much explains the beginning of the song where it says "Gwen Verdon" and "Mexican Breakfast".

It really doesn't change my post at all, though I need to say that I honestly thought that this was filmed recently and made to look old-school. This might be the best mashup I have ever seen! Also, though I maintain that the overall song is crazzappaly, I do like the first part with Andre3000, who I have always thought was pretty fly.

Jesus, Mary and Joseph.

2008-09-04T16:25:00.005-07:00

Evidently, the continuing war on obesity (of which I am unfortunately a "victim") hasn't stopped enterprising cooks from developing exponentially less healthy dishes than what was previously available. Just looking at this picture made my left ventricle hurt.

Seriously though, how much grease and fat could you possibly need in one meal? Basically, this is a bread, cooked in lard, recooked in more lard, with cheese and beef fat flavoring the lard. Oh, and sugar. Don't forget the sugar.

Now, this is probably the most delicious thing ever cooked by mortal man, but even with that in mind, how could someone possible eat this? Anything that makes 3 Big Macs and a bucket of KFC look healthy in comparison is something that probably should not be. With that being said, I happen to know that this picture was taken in New York City at the Google Cafeteria, and so it will likely be outlawed and made into a class 3 felony before long. If you don't get why I say that, you must understand that NYC made trans-fat illegal, so while I am sort of joking, I am sort of not.

Charles Atkins is totally rolling over in his grave right now...

Metal

2008-09-02T00:02:00.001-07:00

This will be the last of my metal-themed posts, pending new hilarity upon my full-time return. If you don't understand metal after watching this, I don't know what to say to you. Also, Metalocalypse is my favorite cartoon.

Coolest Monk EVER!!!

2008-08-28T12:24:00.002-07:00

So, despite being on a formal break for a few more days, I happened across this video at Neatorama. It was cool enough that I felt that I just had to get it out there.

As you watch it, keep in mind that this is real, not a mashup like Marty McMetal and the Metal Dog. This old dude gets it, man. Metal is all about energy and release, and this old guy really gets it. My only real question is what led a Capuchin monk to go to a Metallica show to begin with. Anyway, enjoy the video, and stay metal.

Metal to the Future.

2008-08-23T12:53:00.002-07:00

Marty McFly Goes Metal

Still on vay-kay, but I thought I would post this. All Hail the Metal.

Breaky-Break.

2008-08-13T16:54:00.007-07:00

So, with starting the new job and all, I am going to take a break from blogging for a couple of weeks. I know this will likely produce riots, but I just gots to take care of biznass, because abject poverty kind of sucks.

Mostly this means that I have to get used to going to bed at a decent hour so I can get up without my first thought rotating around how the cold embrace of death would be preferable to waking up at 5:30. Also, I have to get used to the fact that khaki pants, tucked in shirts and a cap-free dome are now a fact of life for me. It's a far cry from my usual ensemble of flippy-flops and shorts, but again, poverty sucks.

Anyhoo, once I get used to it, I will get busy with some new hilarity, such as it is. If some magnificent event or idea comes down the pike, I might make a post here or there, but past that, lets call September 1 the relaunch of TWWOT.

By the by, any readers that are into Facebook are more than welcome to become my pals. Just mention that you got the link from here so I won't delete you. Here be the link:

http://www.new.facebook.com/home.php

Mahalo.

The coolest headline ever.

2008-08-07T16:46:00.004-07:00

My buddy Randy, who should be listed as an official contributor to TWWOT as he regularly sends me potentially bloggable stuff, sent me what I believe to be the coolest, most awesome headline in the history of headlines. Ready for it? Here it is:

Woman riding donkey fights off lion with machete

I bolded, embiggened, and crimsonized the headline for you, gentle readers, to emphasize the inherent radness of these beautiful words.

This headline is wicked in many ways. First, who ever thought they would see those words strung together in that particular order? Not me, and I spend an inordinate amount of time thinking about the coming human/animal wars. Second, I personally think it's rad that she didn't even get off the donkey to fight the lion. Third, she used a machete. If you can't understand how unbelievably gnarly it is to battle one of natures most fearsome predators while riding a donkey and working it over with a freaking machete, you should stop reading this blog immediately and start listening to Radio Disney.

So, unnamed Mexican Warrior-Queen, TWWOT has officially doffed it's hat to you, and if there were some sort of patch for donkey/machete/lion fighting that I could send to you, I would.

Source: Randy via http://www.9news.com/news/watercooler/article.aspx?storyid=97184&catid=337

Glocktastic!

2008-08-03T14:04:00.002-07:00

Theoretically, this blog is supposed to be about three things: Guns, Gear, and my particular brand of stupid humor. Every once in awhile I will mention some piece of gear that I find cool, but mostly it's been all about the stupid humor. Well, today I want to talk about Glocks, and how I plan on buying one as soon as possible.

If you're not into guns, you are likely unaware of the massive amount of discussion that goes on about Glocks. It basically boils down to a "Sucks/Rocks" argument. For some time, I was decidedly on the "Sucks" side of things, and for a couple of reasons. First, I always thought they were top heavy, and second I bought into the argument that the Glock grip angle was dumb and useless.

Times change, and so do I. I have come to realize that the top heavy thing was kind of a dumb reason on my part, and I no longer buy into the grip angle argument. That stopped the day that I realized that I could shoot my MkII and my 1911 with no apparent difference or discomfort. Once I realized that, I revisited shooting my friends Glock and I shot it like a champ. The third reason that I have decided that I want a Glock is that I want a pistol with a light rail. Having a pistol with an on-board light for target identification seems like a great idea to me, and I have yet to find a compelling argument against them.

So, with that in mind, I looked at several different models of pistols. I specifically want a 9mm, so my choices basically ended up boiling down to three pistols: The Glock 17, The Smith and Wesson M&P and the new Ruger SR9. I am a big fan of Ruger, but the recent recalls on the SR9 have made me leery of buying one for a little while. The M&P was surprisingly nice, but when it came down to it, I just like the Glock the best, mostly because it is dead simple to operate. I also looked at the Heckler and Koch USP, because I have always wanted to own an HK pistol (much like my friend Brad), but the difference in price (about $400.00) pretty much killed that idea.

So there you have it. At some point in the hopefully near future, I will be the proud owner of a Glock.

90's Alternative rock: Good Times.

2008-08-03T00:04:00.006-07:00

I was looking at the Wandering Thoughts blog, and J.R.S had a Better Than Ezra video up. Man, I hadn't listend to them in forever, so I went to youtube and started watching that video and a few others from 90's bands, eventually remembering my deep abiding love for the girl that sang for Letters to Cleo. Here she is...

Oh my. How I loved her. I wanted a cute blonde girlfriend that was quirky and sang infectious pop tunes just like her. I imagined dancing through fields of tulips, being alternative and making out while someone played the bassline from "Cannonball" by The Breeders. It was a great fantasy that died the second Alannis Morissete decided to yell at all men.

But, reminiscing about it is fun, and thanks to the Internet, I was able to find out what happened to the Letter to Cleo chick, who, as it turns out, is named Kay Hanley. That little fact in and of itself came as something of a disappointment, as I had imagined her name was "Pepper" or something. Whatever.

The second fact is that Letters to Cleo evidently existed as a band until 2000, which I wouldn't have guessed in a million years. The third fact is that it turns out Kay recorded a couple of pretty good solo records and now is singing backup for Hannah Freaking Montana.

What?

My alternative dream-chick sings back up for Miley Cyrus? Thus dies a dream in the heart of the dreamer, I guess. Well, in any event, the one hit they had was catchy, so there is at least that.

To help ameliorate my sadness about Kay Hanley, I found a video by the Diabolical Biz Markie. Man, no one makes me smile more than crazy, crazy Biz. Take that, Alannis.

Redneckery

2008-08-02T23:38:00.001-07:00

If I had to guess, I would say that's the Boogie-Woogie Man himself.

Word.

Uh...

2008-08-01T13:58:00.004-07:00

I honestly have no idea what in the hell is going on with this. As far as I can tell, it's a fantasy about a lady living in the mystical world of Bedazzlement, who then uses various forms of gem-world superpowers to defend her realm, and then she spits some fly rhymes based on the movie "Willow" along with some video game sounds.

Before you ask where I even found this, a lady on THR used the word "Bedazzled", and that made me interested to see if I could find any funny Bedazzler photos, which I did. That quest led me to this, and despite not wanting to watch, I just couldn't tear myself away. This is easily the weirdest thing that I have seen this year, which is saying a lot. I would say enjoy, but I am not sure if that is possible. Instead, I will just say that you should be bedazzled.

Goodbye, John Lynch.

2008-07-31T21:28:00.004-07:00

John Lynch has left the Broncos. This sucks. John Lynch was one of the few professional athletes around that really lived up to the ideal of athlete as role model. A good citizen, a great football player, and a guy that I deeply regret was not a life-long Bronco. When (not if, when.) he goes into the Hall of Fame, I imagine it will be as a Buccaneer, but Lynch really did the Bronco's proud and I wouldn't be surprised or disappointed if he ended up on the Broncos Ring of Fame. Probably not, given he was only here 5 years, but he deserves to be up there as much as anyone.

Godspeed, John Lynch. I wish you good luck, as long as it isn't against the Broncos.

Sumerians are Hilarious.

2008-07-31T08:53:00.003-07:00

Exciting news: The worlds oldest joke has been documented! The joke dates back to 1900 BC, and is credited to the Sumerians. Here is the joke:

"Something which has never occurred since time immemorial; a young woman did not fart in her husband's lap."

Huh. Well, I guess if nothing else this proves that fart jokes have been funny for a lot longer than I would have thought.

I would like to write more, but I hurt my back the other day and simply don't feel like sitting here. Sorry.

A knife that helps.

2008-07-22T20:42:00.005-07:00

So, I guess this isn't super recent news, but knife manufacturer Benchmade is making a pink handled version of their popular "Griptilian" knife. 10% of all wholesale profits from this knife go to breast cancer research. I believe everyone should carry a knife with them, and for those of you that have an interest in helping breast cancer research out, here is as good a chance as any to combine the two.

As far as the knife itself goes, Benchmade is a very reputable company and the Griptilian series of knives have been very well received. There are four different versions of the knife for sale on the Benchmade website, all at a cost of $90.00. That may seem a bit steep for those of you not in tune with the world of knives, but that is a pretty good price for a very good knife that will give you a lifetime of service. Trust me, there is a HUGE difference between cheap-o knives and this one, and $90.00 isn't a particularly bad price for what you get.

http://www.benchmade.com/products/product_detail.aspx?model=55X-PNK

Tactically, the pink handle has some value. When I was in the USMC, I carried a pink Spyderco. It was easy to find if I dropped it, no one wanted to steal it, and I always sort of got a kick out of it. Personally, I will probably be buying one of these knives. I have wanted a Griptilian in general for a while, and if I can get one with the awesome pink handle and help breast cancer research, so much the better.

Here is a little video that shows you what it looks like. Why they opt to call it a "knife edged tool" and not just a "knife", I have no idea.

Batman: Good or Bad?

2008-07-20T19:59:00.003-07:00

So, I went to go see the new Batman movie. Let me just get the initial suspense out of the way and say that I really enjoyed it. A couple of the action scenes were over the top, even for a Batman movie, but those are pretty minor complaints when compared against the rest of the movie.

The main thing about this movie is that Heath Ledger was awesome. It doesn't happen very often, but if I wouldn't have know that was Heath Ledger, I wouldn't have known it was Heath Ledger. I cannot fathom how his performance wouldn't be Oscar-worthy, although it appears that the Academy is somewhat unwilling to nominate dead people for awards. I very honestly think that his performance was as good as Charlize Theron's in "Monster". In fact, in some ways, I think Ledger's performance was better because Charlize Theron had the benefit of having an actual person to base her performance on. The Joker, as you may or may not know, isn't real.

Christian Bale makes a pretty good Batman, to include the relatively stupid Batman voice. This was brought up in conversation today, and the fact is that the gravelly voice that sounds a bit fake is accurate to the comics. I mean, Batman can't sound like Bruce Wayne, right? Anyway, aside from the voice, Bale is able to come across as intense, and that's good.

The way that the Harvey Dent issue was handled was good, and unexpected. Gary Oldman rules as Commissioner Gordon, and Maggie Gyllenhall is adequate. I am not a big Maggie Gyllenhall fan, so I am a little biased.

Anyway, if you like superhero movies, this is a pretty good one, and is arguably the best of the bunch, thanks to the fact that there is some real drama mixed in with, you know, a guy dressed as a bat. I found Iron Man to be more entertaining, but The Dark Knight is probably more compelling. In any event, you should see it.

Karma Pwns Loser.

2008-07-19T06:40:00.002-07:00

See this picture? It was taken two weeks after this guy was arrested in a drunken driving accident in which he seriously injured a woman. In fact, the woman was still in the hospital, recovering, when this picture was taken. Luckily, he put this picture up on his Facebook page with the title "Remorseful??". The prosecutor found them and used them to show the judge that this guy was an "unrepentant partier".

Now, this guy, Matthew Lipton, is getting two years in jail, in large part because of this picture.

Pwnd.

How stupid are you, Matthew Lipton? You wrote letters of apology to the family, and then you go and do this? All that tells me is that you are an insincere little punk that deserves jail. The article says that you were so upset you left college, but evidently not so upset as to keep from wearing a prisoner outfit at a party. You deserve what you got, Matthew Lipton.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20080719/ap_on_hi_te/tec_facebook_evidence

Shooting is awesome.

2008-07-10T08:40:00.002-07:00

Is there really anything I could say that would make this funnier?

Rampant indecency is ruining the world.

2008-07-07T09:14:00.004-07:00

This video, found at Neatorama as so much of my stuff is, shows a truly horrifying thing: This baby is not wearing pants. Look, I know India is a country with some poverty issues, but if they could afford a pink blanket for this baby to lie on, surely they could afford a pair of pants.

Now, before you go thinking I am being a touch elitist, let me point out that it doesn't have to be pants. They could have taken the pink blanket and fashioned a dress, and that would have have been fine. A skirt, a more traditional Indian sari, even a toga would have all been possible, but no. This poor baby has to suffer the indignity of running around with a bare bottom.

Frankly, it is this type of parenting that is bringing the world to a quick end. I think there is no excuse for this type of thing, and I motion that a non-profit "Pants for India" organization be founded. Surely we wealthy Americans can spare a few pairs of precious pants for the children.

Anyway, if you think you can stand the heartbreak of seeing a bare-assed baby crawling about, please watch the video. With any luck, your heart will be as touched as mine and you will take action.

One more reason to hate the Chiefs.

2008-07-01T21:05:00.008-07:00

Boy, do I ever hate the Kansas City Chiefs. They are my least favorite football team. As a Bronco fan, our traditional enemy is the Raiders, and I hate them too, but the Chiefs edge them out by a fairly large margin. There are any number of reasons to hate the Chiefs, but now I have a new one: They are banning standing up at their games.

Are you kidding me? You're not supposed to stand up and get rowdy at a football game? That is literally the stupidest rule I have ever heard of in football or any other sport. I can understand that the goal of the rule is to keep jackasses (of whom there is an inexhaustible supply at Chiefs games) from standing up and ruining someone else's good time, but to flatly ban it is ri-freaking-diculous.

Stupid Chiefs, how I hate you...

By the way, if you think I am making this up, check out the link provided, which includes another link to the KC Chiefs website that shows the "fan rules" in their full infamy.

http://sports.yahoo.com/nfl/blog/shutdown_corner/post/Fans-are-asked-to-treat-Chiefs-games-like-bowlin?urn=nfl,91291

Insomnia + Ninjas = Hilarious.

2008-06-30T03:32:00.006-07:00

So, I have a hard time getting to sleep most nights, and tonight is no exception. To cure my boredom, I decided to look at the Internet. I typed in "Ninja Defense Force" in Google in hopes of seeing awesome anti-ninja warriors and instead, I got this:

Wow. Man, sometimes insomnia is pretty funny.

F.U., P.R.C.

2008-06-26T19:20:00.003-07:00

Human beings are amazing in their inventiveness. The video below is of some random Chinese farmer who apparently woke up one day and thought "I want to fly. Time to build a plane out of all the crap laying around here.", then did exactly that. He fires it up, takes off, loops around the collective a couple of times, and then lands. It's a P.O.V. shot the whole time and so there isn't a whole lot of detail, but you can see things like "rope" and "flapping plastic" during his flight, which is usually bad. Not so for this guy, as his plane apparently works fine.

We (meaning Me) here at TWWOT salute you, random Chinese farmer!

via videosift.com

This video was found on Neatorama, which as mentioned several times previously, is many times more rad that TWWOT will ever be...

In Defense of the Ukulele

2008-06-25T13:39:00.003-07:00

After watching the mind blowing manifestation of the suck below, you might think that I am anti-ukulele. This is simply not so. In the proper hands, the humble little uke can be a surprisingly beautiful instrument. In fact, I am going to link two videos below by this guy Jake Shimabukuro, and I defy anyone to tell me that the first video isn't hauntingly beautiful and the second isn't technically supreme and pretty awesome. Jake Shimabukuro pretty much rules.

Allrighty, now that you have been taken in by the beauty of the uke, here is Jake shredding on a Uke:

Once again, England Sucks.

2008-06-25T13:15:00.003-07:00

Why do the English have to ruin everything? Why can't they come up with their own stuff as opposed to taking our music and bastardizing it beyond recognition? It's not that there haven't been some incredible bands from England (Led Zepplin, anyone?), but some of the most horrific crap in the history of horrific crap has come from England too. Wham! comes to mind. Also, it's worth mentioning that I am still bitter that Jethro Tull beat Metallica for best heavy metal album of the year at the 1989 Grammy awards.

With all that being said, here is a little slice of horrible. I found this on Neatorama, and the contributor there seemed to think this was awesome. He or she couldn't be more wrong, and as a result he or she should not be allowed to listen to music for a month. Hit play and start weeping, music fan...:

Edit to add: I felt so bad for subjecting all of you to this trainwreck that I thought I would post the real deal, just so you can hear what a good song this really is. If you haven't ripped your ears off of your head, sooth yourself with one of the best bands ever...

Bear Fight.

2008-06-25T00:37:00.002-07:00

I don't know what it is with me and bears this month, but here is one of the greatest commercials of all time. Also, this is the laziest post ever.

Shocking...

2008-06-22T03:25:00.003-07:00

I am not a huge fan of drag racing, but I know enough about it to know that it can be a dangerous game. Scott Kalitta, who I will honestly say I know virtually nothing about, died on the 21st when his engine exploded, meaning that he couldn't hit the brakes, meaning that his car hit the back retaining wall, meaning that his car basically vaporized. Really, it's a pretty horrible crash. I debated putting this up for two reasons: First, like I say, I don't know the first thing about Scott Kalitta and it would be disingenuous for me to pretend otherwise. Second, I am certainly not trying to glamorize a car crash that killed someone, nor am I trying to be funny about it. I mean, by and large this is meant to be a humor blog, and there isn't much humor to be found in watching a video of some guy die.

I decided to post it simply because I have been thinking about my own mortality lately, and the video honestly freaks me out a little bit. I mean, in the span of about 4 seconds, this guy went from being a healthy, successful driver doing something he has done thousands of times to being dead. There was no premonition, no slow descent into the light, no chance to rage against the dying of the light, nothing. Obviously he knew that driving a Funny Car wasn't the safest occupation in the world, but still it just freaks me out when I consider that Scott Kalitta's life went from 100% to 0% in less time than it took me to write this sentence.

Polar opposites.

2008-06-19T23:50:00.004-07:00

This is a picture of some poor bastard getting railed by the fuzz at a protest in Nepal.

This is a picture of newborn Red Pandas.

I don't have anything particularly witty to say about either picture, other than that these two pictures were #1 and #2 on the AP photosite, and the opposing nature of the pictures struck me as odd. It's probably just me that finds this interesting, but there it is.

One step closer...

2008-06-16T13:53:00.003-07:00

So, the cat and the bear above are good friends. Anyone who ever reads my blogs or talks to me knows that I have long predicted a unification of all the animals, and I see this as being just one step closer to an all out war with the animals.

The implications of this friendship are far-reaching and disturbing. I like cats, but everyone knows that cats are far to wily for their own good. Cats are also one of the few animals that seem to kill just for the pure joy of spilling blood. Also, cats are stealthy. What happens when you combine the natural cunning, the thirst for blood and the stealth with a bear's natural strength and invincibility? You get a cat-bear, and that my friends spells doom for mankind, at least until Skynet goes up, and maybe even then.

On the surface, it may seem incongruous that the cats and the bears would unite, and I have to admit that even I have long predicted a monkey/bear alliance, which could still happen. If you think about it for a little bit, it makes sense. Cats sleep 22 hours a day. Bears sleep for months at a time. Cats like fish. Bears can fish. Cats like to interrupt humans while reading newspapers. Bears eat humans. The symbiotic relationship that exists between a cat and a bear is evident only when considered at length, but once discovered, eerily strong.

In conclusion, I advise you to beware. If you notice your cat hanging out with bears, put an end to that immediately. If the bear won't go away or begins to try and sneak in your house at night to frolic with your cat, I advise laying down a protective field of anti-bear mines. Finally, if your cat simply won't stop it's longing for the bear, you're going to need to move. Where, I don't know, but just make sure it is a bear-free area, because the cycle must be broken before it's too late.

Bo Diddley Dead.

2008-06-02T16:13:00.004-07:00

So, today I learned that Bo Diddley died. Most have probably heard of Bo, and if you haven't actually heard his music, you have probably heard George Thorogood plays his songs. His hits include "Who do you love" and "I'm a Man", and he gained a great amount of fame in the late 80's via his "Bo don't know Diddley" commercials with Bo Jackson. Bo Jackson, incidentally, is my favorite athlete of all time, but that's really neither here nor there.

Anyway, it sucks that ol' Bo is gone. He was a showman, he had his own unique style and he wrote good songs. The old bluesmen are all dropping off the face of the earth, and there isn't a whole lot of them left. I advise listening to some BB King and Buddy Guy now, while they are still alive.

Enjoy the video, which was made at some point in the 70's and just shows Bo playing guitar and hollering. Godspeed, Bo.

Word to your mother.

2008-05-30T00:11:00.003-07:00

This guy is awesome, and proves that dancing doesn't have to be boring and sucktacular. I find this dude mesmerizing in his awesomeness...

Be sure to watch it all, as he busts some moves after the judges talk to him...

Clay Aiken not gay, still creepy.

2008-05-29T19:49:00.009-07:00

American Idol Clay Aiken is evidently not gay, which I have to admit comes as something of a shock. Balancing out that thunderbolt is the fact that he is becoming more creepy looking by the minute, and his baby momma is pretty weird too. I have nothing against Clay Aiken except for the fact that his music sucks. I also have nothing against gay people. I am boggled that this particular blend of peanut butter and chocolate doesn't go together, but whatever.

As far as his baby momma goes, it's weird on several levels. To begin with, her name is "Jaymes". That's right, "Jaymes". That's not so much weird as ironic, given that Clay Freaking Aiken managed to find a girl named Jaymes. The weird part is that she is 50. Evidently, Clay has been unable to turn his American Idol stardom towards normal groupies, and is instead enjoying the lovely lady lumps of the elderly. Creepy.

Creepier yet is just how that guy looks. He has always been a little odd looking, but since he has parlayed his fame of singing horrible pop songs into a career of singing horrible Broadway show tunes, he has just gotten more and more discomforting to look at. I mean, not Michael Jackson odd, but just odd. I do think it's funny that his fans refer to themselves as "Claymates", but past that, there just isn't a whole lot going on there that I approve of. It is, however, pretty fun imagining Clay Aiken in a fistfight. Seriously, take a good look at the picture below, and then imagine him screaming "Your about to get Clay O'd, Beeyatch" while wading into a bar fight. That's just awesome.

In conclusion, I find Clay Aiken somewhat repulsive. Good Day.

EDIT TO ADD!!!

Breaking News: Clay Aiken might still be gay! It turns out that his baby momma was artifically inseminated, implying that Clay Aiken likes children, but not chicks. Word!

Memorial Day

2008-05-26T00:51:00.002-07:00

So, I try and write something serious about Memorial Day every year, because it's a holiday that really means something to me. This year, I decided to just post a link to this article. It talks about it's subject better than I could:

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20080526/ap_on_re_us/wwi_survivor

If you don't read it, it talks about America's last living survivor of World War I. This man is 107 years old, and actually had to convince an Army recruiter that Missouri didn't keep records of birth so that he could enlist and go fight in Europe prior to turning 18. Now, he is the only one left. To me, that's incredible.

Reading about this guy made me think about WWI and our current war. While I would never in a million years try to compare the valor of those soldiers to today's troops, I would point out that we are lucky that this current war has had a relatively low human cost. Do you realize that France's male population was reduced by 10% during WWI? More troops were lost in a single day than we have lost in this war. During the Battle of Verdun, which lasted roughly 8 months, the British lost 542,000 troops. That's 67,750 per month, or roughly 2200 per day. The Germans lost about 432,000, or 54,000 per month. That works out to roughly 1800 per day. Combined, that means that in one 8 month battle, 4000 men per day were dying. This, of course, does not take into account French losses and any other skirmishes that were incurred during the 8 month period that the Battle of Verdun encompassed.

Now, those aren't American troops, but the example goes to show what an incredible meat-grinder WWI really was. It is my hope that it also makes you think a little bit about the sacrifices American troops have made throughout our history. Philosophical arguments as to the validity of the war on terror and Vietnam and nostalgic looks back on Korea and WWII aside, American troops have been putting boots on the ground and dying for us for a long time. Please take a second and think about that tomorrow.

Danica Patrick: Pugilist.

2008-05-25T19:19:00.005-07:00

Danica Patrick is awesome. During today's Indy 500 she got clipped on pit row when Ryan Briscoe pulled into her. He put her out of the race, and she didn't like that one bit. So, she decided to go have a "talk" with the guy. The above picture is her marching down pit row. See the bald black guy coming over the wall? That's the head of IRL security coming to grab her and redirect her back to her own pit.

Danica Patrick weighs all of 100 pounds, and I believe she had every intention of going down and punching Ryan Briscoe right in the teeth. Even better, the announcers basically even endorsed her plan! This isn't the first time that Danica has gotten fired up, either. Last year she shoved Dan Wheldon in the chest for something. I have no idea what, because other than Indy, I really don't watch IRL racing, but he did something and she didn't like it. Also, some guy didn't get out of her way during a practice a couple of weeks ago, so she ran him over. Danica is not to be toyed with.

The best is how bitter she stayed. A full half hour after the wreck, they did a live interview with her, and I think it was all she could do to keep from screaming obscenities at the reporter. Sweet, beautiful Danica has a lot of rage, apparently. Anyway, I wish that I could find a video that showed her marching down pit row, as it is pretty awesome, but I can't. Enjoy instead this picture of Danica looking extremely angry...

Edit to add: Check my comments. My buddy Toby actually did find a link to her marching down pit row. The crowd is cheering, but what is especially interesting is how many people in pit row itself seem to be egging her on...

Music and Mood

2008-05-23T20:17:00.003-07:00

Ever have one of those moments where your listening to a song and it hits you that it is the perfect song at the perfect moment? I have had a few of those instances, and I thought you might be interested to read about them. If you have had a similar experience, add it to the comments!

1. Some Mexican Guy, Some Mexican Song - This just happened the other day when I was in Cancun. We were riding the bus back from a Mayan restaurant and it was hot. Some guy got on the bus with his guitar and sang some Mexican song, and it was just perfect. The song was sort of a melancholy song, and it blended perfectly with the moment. I gave the guy 20 pesos, which he liked.

2. Traffic, Dear Mr. Fantasy - Brad and I were heading to Sturgis for the first time and we were on a lonely dirt road out in the middle of South Dakota when this song came on. The opening guitar line was perfect for the moment. Given that we had never been to Sturgis and didn't know what to expect other than some adventure, the song as a whole just really struck a chord. Interestingly, when Big Ern came with us the next year, he felt the same way about the song, and now it's one of his favorites.

3. Simple Minds, Don't You (forget about me) - This song remains one of my all-time favorite songs, and it's mostly because it sort of encapsulates a whole bunch of moments, in particular my high school graduation day. I knew I was going to the Marines, and I knew that I wouldn't be seeing the bulk of my classmates for a long time, if ever again. In my opinion, this is one of the top 100 rock songs ever written, and is a perfect song in many ways.

4. The Star Wars Theme - In fourth grade, my mom gave me a sweet Star Wars themed birthday party. It was rad in all respects, but when she brought out the cake, she also blasted the theme to Star Wars. Imagine 25 or 30 fourth grader heads all snapping around to see my glorious Star Wars cake being brought out the back door. Seriously, Star Wars was/is awesome.

And that's sort of it. I have a lot of favorite songs, and I have a lot of songs that resonate with me, but those 4 really, really resonated. Of the four, the Traffic song was probably the most perfect. I will likely remember that moment until the day that I die. Sadly, that might be next week if I don't change my ways, but still...

Weezer = Awesome.

2008-05-23T20:15:00.002-07:00

If your like me, and you should be, you enjoy rocking and internet memes. This video by Weezer contains both and is thus possibly the coolest video of all time. I especially like the inclusion of the Numa-Numa guy and Tay Zonday. Anyway, hit play and enjoy.

Edit to add: I wrote this, then looked at Neatorama and discovered that they already posted this, to include mentioning Numa-Numa guy and Tay Zonday. I swear, this wasn't intentional plagarism...

Brief downtime

2008-05-09T16:15:00.002-07:00

For my ones of fans out there, I will not be posting anything for the next couple of weeks due to an impending vacation. Please check back a couple of weeks from now, as I am sure I will have some rad stuff to post.

Baby monkeys are cute.

2008-05-03T12:32:00.004-07:00

So, it's pretty unmanly to find cute pictures of a baby monkey and put up a link so that everyone can view them, but thats exactly what I am doing. I can assure you that this will be the only time that I will post "cute" pictures, and I may even go out and start a bar fight just to remanify myself.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/pages/live/articles/news/news.html?in_article_id=563068&in_page_id=1770