Oh Noez! Aliens iz attacking!

I enjoy browsing various gun and knife forums. There is a lot of interesting information, a bunch of nice people, and quite a bit of stuff that I didn't know about to be learned from them. Correspondingly, there are also a lot of wackos. Predicatably, this post isn't about the nice, normal people. Nope, not about them at all.

Instead, this post is about the wackiest wacko to ever wack the wacky. This dude claims, in all apparent seriousness, to have gotten into a knife fight. With an alien. Specifically, the alien pictured at the beginning of this post. I would like to think that this is just some sort of fun exercise in creative writing, but I really don't think that it is, which of course works out pretty good for me. I am going to comment on just a few little things that I noticed about this post, but you really have to read the whole thing to appreciate it.

Allrighty. So the first thing that I would like to point out, was that this dude was pretty angry. How do I know? Because Daniel, the human component of this tale, tells us he was in a murderous rage. His wife confirms this in a later post by saying he was "sky high" with rage. Rage, apparently, is a requirement for successfully shanking an alien that creeps into your perimeter.

Another important component is the fact that you must have a cleverly named knife. Why dudes that want to pretend that they are knife-fighting experts always refer to knives as "blades", I don't know. Whatever. The point is, you have to have one, and it has to have a name. This particular dude named his knife the "Good News". In his own words, should that alien bastard come back, he is going to give him the good news again, so he better watch out, or else he is going to "meet Jesus". This brings up another interesting, if not unnecessarily philosophical, point. How does Daniel know that the alien is going to meet Jesus? Perhaps the alien will go and meet Hglkunar, Ruler of the 3 levels of Gthalm instead. All I am saying is that it is somewhat presumptious to assume that Jesus is the alien fish-man's diety.

Continuing our run down the rails on this crazy train, Daniels wife posts some pictures of her husbands post-battle injuries, all of which left me convinced that at worst Daniel had a bad rash from running through a briar patch. Look at them yourselves. Do those look like the injuries of someone who got all stabby with an alien? I say thee nay, they do not. Despite his wife declining to show pictures of his face, I want to see it, because you will note that Daniel actually lost the good news by embedding it into the aliens neck, and as a result was forced to start headbutting the alien. I should think that headbutting an alien would leave substantially cooler wounds.

Finally, I like the part where the aliens came and cleaned up after Daniel and his old lady fell back asleep, evidently spent from straight up murdering an alien. Really? I mean, you know, really? You gave this alien the stabbing the he so richly deserved, sent him back to Gamma 3 with the good news sticking out of his neck, and they came and cleaned up? Dude, thats AWESOME!!!

Seriously though, you all should go buy knives and work on your murderous rages. This could happen to you. Read the link in all of it's glory!

http://www.abovetopsecret.com/forum/thread369106/pg1

Funtime!

I like monkeys, and I like monkeys that kick things. Rock on.

Edit on 10/18/08

I had to take the game down because I was tired of hearing this stupid monkey kick his stupid ball every time I got online. Enough, monkey! We get it! You like to kick things!

Evidently, water is groovy.

Through a long and convoluted journey through the bowels of the Internet, I stumbled across a website by a guy named "Mr. Emoto" in which he reveals the secret healing powers of water. Evidently, "From Mr. Emoto's work we are provided with factual evidence, that human vibrational energy, thoughts, words, ideas and music, affect the molecular structure of water, the very same water that comprises over seventy percent of a mature human body and covers the same amount of our planet." (actual quote.). Mr. Emoto also includes several pictures of water crystals taken while playing music and after having typed messages taped to bottles of distilled water.

Breaking this down a little, let me respond to the following: We cannot have factual evidence of how awesome water is when it based on the decidedly nonfactual claim that there exists "human vibrational energy". Also, and I very honestly might be wrong on this as my knowledge of chemistry is very weak, but isn't the molecular structure of water pretty much always going to be H2O? How does one affect that?

This all basically serves to point out one of my pet peeves: Wacky new-age theories on how to heal. Look, spiritually, you can believe whatever you want. I neither care nor concern myself with the wide variety of things in which people place their faith. That being said, please don't try and convince me that playing Vivaldi is somehow going to make the water I drink better and bring about significant health benefits.

It's not that I think that modern medicine is always right, nor is it to say that traditional remedies are always wrong. It is to say that in no way, shape, or form do I believe that exposing my water to Slayer is going to have a negative effect on how it chemically reacts within my body. I mean, I am drinking water out of a cup with the Colorado Avalanche logo on it as I type this. Mr. Emoto's "research" would indicate that I might be better served by drinking from a cup with a Blackhawks logo, or perhaps even no logo at all. My own research leads me to believe that it is entirely likely that Mr. Emoto would posit that I should drink from a cup made of iron extracted from a fallen star and forged by dwarfs deep within the Carpathian forest. Further, I should probably stand in the healing circle of healing while sipping it.

Mr. Emoto also apparently believes that our souls turn into water when we die:

"Similarly, when a person dies their body loses several grams of weight -- what some people think of this as the weight of the soul. But then we can often visually see them. I think that the soul has mass, and that it returns to water molecules. And because it has mass, it is affected by the gravitational pull of the earth. And so sometimes the soul cannot transition over to the other side."

Essentially, Mr. Emoto just said that for every sip of magic healing water, you're basically pounding down someone's soul. Gross.

Anyway, it's just my own little pet peeve and I thought I would share it. If I have offended with my rejection of the mystical powers of water or human vibrational energy, too bad. Drink some water that has a message about forgiveness for my faults taped to the cup and deal with it, wacko. If you want to read more about Mr. Emoto's fantastic discovery, click here:

http://www.life-enthusiast.com/twilight/research_emoto.htm

Thomas Magnum v. Parrot

I liked Magnum P.I. back in the day. Tom Selleck was the coolest, what with his sweet 1911 and his Ferrari and his free bachelors pad on a Hawaiian plantation. Throw in the seemingly endless stream of hot-to-trot chicks, occasional gun-battles and two best friends that own, respectively, a helicopter and a bar, and you pretty much have the perfect life.

Not all was good in Magnum-town though. Every once in a while Magnum would flashback to Vietnam, and I have to assume that the Ferrari got a flat tire here and there. Plus, you know, skin cancer? Put on some lotion, Magnum. More troubling than the PTSD and the cancer was the fact that Higgins was always on his case, man. Stupid Higgins/Robin Masters, why can't you leave Magnum alone? He shoots the guns and flies in helicopters, you discuss DeBussy and Proust with your friends and leave it at that.

Occasionally though, Higgins proved useful. Take the video below, for example:



Uhh... What? Seriously? An old lady ordered her attack parrot to attack Magnum in order to keep him from attacking her for attacking Higgins? That would be crazy enough on it's own, but then you have to consider this: Higgins convinced the parrot to cease it's attack and commit suicide by talking to it. In it's native tongue. Out of all the possible talents in the world, who would have thought that would be the one to keep him from getting shot?

Bro's, Magnum P.I. is the coolest. I bet that pansy Michael Knight couldn't have talked a parrot into killing itself.

Football is a delight.

Me here at the Wide World of Timbo likey sports. I mean, this blog is named after the "Wide World of Sports", right? It makes sense, although I wonder if anyone ever caught on to my blatant rip-off.

Anyway, I like sports. Sports, sports, sports. In particular, I like football. The video clip below highlights one of the most amazing catches ever in the history of terrestrial man, and possibly even extra-terrestrial man. Or, as E-TM like to be called, "Manbots".

Whatever. Check out the clip, because it really is a pretty amazing catch.

Rock and Roll will never die.

Lita Ford and Joan Jett are both over 50 now. Lita was always a little to cheesy for my tastes (although she was sort of hot), but Joan Jett... man, she can rock it old school. There are just a few people who I think can really dig down and rock people on a primal level, and Joan Jett is one of them (along with the seemingly immortal AC/DC).

Anyway, thinking about Joan and Lita getting older made me think about them at their youthful prime, specifically the very awesome band that both were in, The Runaways. Here is a video for Cherry Bomb, which is a great song by a great band...



And, since I mentioned AC/DC, here is a video of Bon Scott era AC/DC (my favorite AC/DC lineup, by the way) rocking out "Whole Lotta Rosie". This video is especially cool because Angus switches guitars in midsong, comes back with a guitar with no strap, and then continues to rock it while some roadie runs out and straps him up while he is ripping a solo. Awesome.

Trolls, be warned.

This dude really seems to hate trolls. So much so that he proclaims that the troll reign of terror is at an end, presumably by his hand. Sadly, despite my general dislike of trolls, I will not be joining him in his war, and I do not suggest that any of you, my beloved readers, ally yourself with this crusader either.

The worst part about this is that I really am not sure if he is talking about internet trolls or actual trolls. I thought internet trolls right up until he said "trolls and trollkind", which implies that he is talking about real trolls.

Well, whatever. If you don't like trolls, and are thinking of taking that dislike to the next level, this is your guy, I guess...

Political Ad

TWWOT is not a political blog, and while I am posting a pro-McCain ad, I sincerely want everyone to vote for whichever candidate they truly feel is best. I am posting this ad simply because I am a veteran, and I find this to be a powerful ad. If you are pro-Obama and anti-war, you will probably not like this ad. Feel free to comment as you see fit, but I will immediately delete any comments that are vitriolic in nature. I am respectfully putting up an ad that represents this veterans (and by extension my own) opinion, and I only ask that if you disagree you do so with an equal measure of respect.

Also, while this video is available to all on Youtube, I found it on fellow High Roader John Shirleys blog, Wandering Thoughts. You can find a link to his blog in my links section!