Saturday, September 13, 2008

Balcony Farming

Sitting at work with 5 minutes left in my day yesterday, my work-mate and I were talking to one of the clients, and as is my custom when somewhat delirious, I immediately started saying out loud all the crazy thoughts running through this racquetball court of a brain I have. What came out was my idea for balcony farming.

Since I live on the third floor of an apartment building, I simply do not have the acreage necessary to do any full-on agricultural projects, and I really don't want to "garden", so I started thinking about possibilities that are outside the box. The other side of this is that I am interested in being able to get the freshest produce and meat possible. This way, the food goes from balcony to table in mere seconds.

What came to me is that there are miniature versions of most common farm animals available for purchase. There is no miniature cow that I am aware of, but there are miniature horses, potbellied pigs, pygmy goats, and I am sure I can find some sort of chicken that is pretty small. The horse is necessary because I won't have room for a tractor, and will need something to work my tiny fields with. Update: I actually just googled "miniature cow" and by god, it turns out that there is such a beast. They are apparently just as delicious as a normal cow, but 3/4 the size. Excellent!!!

Of course, space will be at a premium, but if the miniature animals can all get along decently, that will make life easier on everyone. If they don't get along, well, that just means that it is time to eat. Speaking for myself, I am always at my best behavior when I think that acting otherwise might mean that I become dinner. This motivational tool will also be used to get the miniature animals to use a special area called "my bathroom" for their toilet needs. I would prefer to keep the farm totally on the balcony, but my plan is doomed if miniature feces is constantly raining down on the two floors below me. The only problem with this compromise is that I don't want any of the miniature animals getting the wrong idea: They are farm animals, not pets.

For my crops, which will not be subject to snatching by any cops, I have yet to decide. Looking out of my balcony door at a row of delicious corn sounds good, but it may be impractical from the standpoint of getting a combine in. Since I will be the only one eating the bounty of my balcony, I don't have to grow particularly large vegetables. The problem is that I just haven't really researched what tiny vegatables are available.

Anyway, don't steal my idea.


Randy said...

Brilliant! Now imagine what you could do with one of the corner apartments who's balcony is twice as large...

katdish said...

When you mentioned corn, I immediately thought of those tiny little ears of corn (like Tom Hanks' character eats at the company party in the movie "Big". As far as tiny farm animals go, why not just raise your standard tiny corn-fed rats? I hear they taste like chicken and are served at some of your more questionable Asian cuisine restuarants. Come to think of it, they also serve those tiny ears of corn. I think I may have just placed an incredibly brilliant marketing scheme right in your lap....

your welcome.