The Blues.

So, my last couple of music posts have resulted in a rollicking good discussion between AT and I about who sucks and who doesn't when it comes to the guitar. While we disagree on a couple of points, we also agree on others. One guy in particular he mentioned that a lot of people may not have heard of is the Master of the Telecaster, Albert Collins. He is gone now, but man, the Iceman could play. Here is a video of him throwing down:



Also, just to please my faithful reader Katdish, here is a video of SRV shredding a version of "Voodoo Chile (slight return)" from 1983. Righteous.

What?

So, I am going to start trying to throw in some shorter posts in between my longer ones in order to create a little more stupid stuff for everyone to look at. This should have the effect of more frequent postings that won't cut into my precious "me" time.

In order to find funny stuff, I am just going to do a Google image search random phrases that pop into my head. This time, I googled the phrase "taming the beast". Perhaps unsurprisingly, the photos often depicted porn and/or World of Warcraft nerd showing off their in-game pets. But, in between the boobies and the nerd-sweat, I did find this little gem:


Seriously? In my wildest dreams I didn't think I would strike comedy gold this quickly. I can only imagine the fame and fortune I will attain if all my ideas work out this good.

I am a jerk.

In a move solely designed to poke at "anonymous" from the comments section in my last post (I know who it is), I have decided to post this video. Anonymous will almost assuredly have a stroke while watching this, but I think he will also get a laugh out of it. Anonymous, this is for you:

Genesis.

So, you know how in your life there are a few moments that you can clearly remember things changing for you forever? Like, from that moment on, you were different? I do, and that is what this post is all about. It's not funny so much as nostalgic, but for whatever reason it just seemed like something to write about.

6th grade, 1984.

Up to this point in my life, I didn't listen to much rock. I was a KISS fan, but they got a little out of control and my mom sort of put the kibosh on my membership to the KISS army. I would occasionally go over to this one guys house, and his older brother would be playing Led Zepplin or Black Sabbath or something, and I thought it was awesome, but those little snatches of radness just never took hold. Really, up to that point, I was more of a country fan, because that was what my folks listened to.

Then came a revelation: 1984 by Van Freaking Halen. Eddie Van Halen was the coolest guitar player ever, and for whatever reason, I was able to listen to Van Halen without getting any static from the parents. Man, I think I wore out 3 cassettes over the course of 1984 listening to 1984. A bunch of other cool records came out that year: Pyromania by Def Leppard, Metal Health by Quiet Riot, Tooth and Nail by Dokken. I listened to them all, but Van Halen ruled with an iron fist. I loved Van Halen. I still love Van Halen. I will die loving Van Halen.

Looking a little deeper, I can even pinpoint the exact song that changed everything. It was "Hot for Teacher". The second I heard "Hot for Teacher" I was hooked. Add to that the incredibly awesome video (Ms. PhysEd still haunts my dreams), and it becomes a little clearer why a bored 6th grader looking for an identity and something to latch on to found the best band in the world.

Thinking about it now, it surprises me a little that I can point not only to one particular band, but one individual song. Why did that song stick, where "Dancing on the Ceiling" or some song by Culture Club didn't? Why Van Halen? Why not Sabbath, or Aerosmith, or Foghat? I don't really know, but it did, and the result is me.

Enjoy watching a key turning point in my life!

Spongebob Metal Pants: Part Two.

So, I have posted a Spongebob/Metal mashup before, but this one is way better than the first one, if for no other reason than the following things happen during the course of the video:

1. Spongebob wears some totally metal glasses.
2. Spongebob is apparently some sort of Metal Freedom Fighter, blowing up a prison wall to let bunnies and stuff out. In other words, Screw the man.
3. Patrick appears in drag.
4. Spongebob rips a totally awesome guitar solo that culminates in laser beams shooting from his guitar, freeing his fans from the oppression of the aforementioned "man" and ultimately his rocking results in a new world order.
5. Spongebob is dressed as a wizard while ripping the above solo.
6. Again, Patrick appears in drag.

Anyway, enjoy the metal. If you care, the band is called The Black Dahlia Murder, and I think the song is called, simply, Funeral.

Hudson River Hero.

By now, pretty much everyone is familiar with the plane crash, and familiar with the fact that the pilot, Chesley "Sully" Sullenberger, is a hero who kicked death in the ass. Irrationally, I am especially proud of Sully Sullenberger because he is a University of Northern Colorado grad.

That's right, people. If you are in a plane and it is plummeting to earth, you don't want some Harvard a-hole sitting behind the stick. UCLA frat boys sitting there, doing keg stands in the cockpit? Pshaw. Thee Ohio State University? CU? Kansas? Nope, nope and nope. If your pilot graduated from any of those places, or any place other than UNC, you better hope you have your life insurance forms filled out in the event of an emergency.

Nope, if you want to live, you get on the plane with Sully Freaking Sullenberger. Those passengers are just lucky Sully didn't roll that bird onto it's back and give the devil the finger (it's a Top Gun reference, and if you don't get that, your probably a Chinese Communist) before safely guiding it into the river.

God Bless Sully Sullenberger, and God Bless UNC.

JEB2012

Slingshot or Death Weapon?

There really isn't a whole lot to say about this video. This old guy basically makes slingshots, then shoots everything in his path. I can't think of a single thing that I could say to make this more awesome.