Saturday, April 5, 2008

Machinegunnery and stick-fighting.

So, me and my shooting buddies went to a Machine-gun shoot today, which was fun. Lots of explosions, lots of machine-gunnery, some WWII reenactors and a couple of bowling ball mortars. Fun.

I rode to the even with my unnamed shooting buddy (USB) and his wife, which proved to be extremely entertaining for all. My USB's wife said several very funny things throughout the course of the day, which I will now relay. If you don't find them funny, too bad.

1. Evidently, USB once spanked his wife on the bottom because she randomly cracked him across the back of his legs with a stick while they were walking the dog.

2. Evidently, USB and his wife have a long standing argument about whether or not cows have knees. It turns out they do.

3. USB's wife calls all soda "coke". In doing so, AT pointed at his Pepsi and slowly said "peeeeepppppssssiiiii". The following conversation ensued.

USBW Where I'm from we call everything Coke, even lemonade.
Me: Really? So you take a shower in hot Coke? Do you go swimming in Lake McCokeahay?
USBW: No, not like that. We call only fluids coke.
Me: Water is a fluid.
USBW: No, only fluids you drink.
Me: You can drink water.

I also got to see one of the most anticipated new guns of the year in prototype form today, the Magpul Masada. Bushmaster is going to be manufacturing them under the name "ACR", but Magpul designed it, and they had a working prototype. It was cool, but I think it is going to be a little to expensive for me.

In general, it was a fun Saturday.


Anonymous said...


It's an honor being included in the wide world of killer dolphins and death metal dogs, but lest your readers summon wrong conclusions about me, in my defense, here is a point of clarification:

While "crack" is perhaps an adequate description of the impact, "stick" itself greatly minimizes the weaponry used. This "stick" was not an ordinary stick, rather it was about 4 feet long, pool-cue straight and devoid of any drag-inducing branches, extremely strong and hard, yet light and uniformly about 3/8" thick, possessing the whip-like action of a car antenna. Viewing 1970s era Thai caning videos (google Thailand caning) may well give readers a full appreciation of the weaponry used as well as the sound effects. Readers should further note this practice has been long since banned in Thailand, if not all other c-man countries. The "stick" came from no tree in North America that I am aware of. It is almost as if she willed it into existence and then picked it up off the ground of the backalleys of Loveland. As your readers will no-doubt conclude, a mere public spanking was thus a justifiable retaliatory response to this random act.

The USBW admitted to me privately that after firing the M240 machine gun, she wouldn't mind having one, and has inquired as to how much they cost.

Thanks for the visual tour and unknown history of the eastern plains of Colorado.


J.R.Shirley said...

"I don't care who you are, that's funny right there."

240B fun to shoot. Not so fun to carry.

Anonymous said...

I have it on good authority that the USB deserved the caning and was lucky that a knife was not laying around to cut his Achilles tendon. And yes, it was an American red white and blue tree.
Ooo rah!

Anonymous said...

Be it known that after Timbo made his final "coke" comment to USBW , she replied as follows:

USBW: Where's a stick, I'm gonna crack you on your legs...

AT: (Impersonating Timbo) "Ow if I were a cow that would have been my elbow!

Timbo: Tee heee heee (uncontrolled laughter so infectious that bystanders started to giggle)

Robin Hood said...

Hey Timbo,

Check us out...