Insomnia + Ninjas = Hilarious.

So, I have a hard time getting to sleep most nights, and tonight is no exception. To cure my boredom, I decided to look at the Internet. I typed in "Ninja Defense Force" in Google in hopes of seeing awesome anti-ninja warriors and instead, I got this:

Wow. Man, sometimes insomnia is pretty funny.

F.U., P.R.C.

Human beings are amazing in their inventiveness. The video below is of some random Chinese farmer who apparently woke up one day and thought "I want to fly. Time to build a plane out of all the crap laying around here.", then did exactly that. He fires it up, takes off, loops around the collective a couple of times, and then lands. It's a P.O.V. shot the whole time and so there isn't a whole lot of detail, but you can see things like "rope" and "flapping plastic" during his flight, which is usually bad. Not so for this guy, as his plane apparently works fine.

We (meaning Me) here at TWWOT salute you, random Chinese farmer!


via videosift.com

This video was found on Neatorama, which as mentioned several times previously, is many times more rad that TWWOT will ever be...

In Defense of the Ukulele

After watching the mind blowing manifestation of the suck below, you might think that I am anti-ukulele. This is simply not so. In the proper hands, the humble little uke can be a surprisingly beautiful instrument. In fact, I am going to link two videos below by this guy Jake Shimabukuro, and I defy anyone to tell me that the first video isn't hauntingly beautiful and the second isn't technically supreme and pretty awesome. Jake Shimabukuro pretty much rules.



Allrighty, now that you have been taken in by the beauty of the uke, here is Jake shredding on a Uke:

Once again, England Sucks.

Why do the English have to ruin everything? Why can't they come up with their own stuff as opposed to taking our music and bastardizing it beyond recognition? It's not that there haven't been some incredible bands from England (Led Zepplin, anyone?), but some of the most horrific crap in the history of horrific crap has come from England too. Wham! comes to mind. Also, it's worth mentioning that I am still bitter that Jethro Tull beat Metallica for best heavy metal album of the year at the 1989 Grammy awards.

With all that being said, here is a little slice of horrible. I found this on Neatorama, and the contributor there seemed to think this was awesome. He or she couldn't be more wrong, and as a result he or she should not be allowed to listen to music for a month. Hit play and start weeping, music fan...:



Edit to add: I felt so bad for subjecting all of you to this trainwreck that I thought I would post the real deal, just so you can hear what a good song this really is. If you haven't ripped your ears off of your head, sooth yourself with one of the best bands ever...

Bear Fight.

I don't know what it is with me and bears this month, but here is one of the greatest commercials of all time. Also, this is the laziest post ever.

Shocking...

I am not a huge fan of drag racing, but I know enough about it to know that it can be a dangerous game. Scott Kalitta, who I will honestly say I know virtually nothing about, died on the 21st when his engine exploded, meaning that he couldn't hit the brakes, meaning that his car hit the back retaining wall, meaning that his car basically vaporized. Really, it's a pretty horrible crash. I debated putting this up for two reasons: First, like I say, I don't know the first thing about Scott Kalitta and it would be disingenuous for me to pretend otherwise. Second, I am certainly not trying to glamorize a car crash that killed someone, nor am I trying to be funny about it. I mean, by and large this is meant to be a humor blog, and there isn't much humor to be found in watching a video of some guy die.

I decided to post it simply because I have been thinking about my own mortality lately, and the video honestly freaks me out a little bit. I mean, in the span of about 4 seconds, this guy went from being a healthy, successful driver doing something he has done thousands of times to being dead. There was no premonition, no slow descent into the light, no chance to rage against the dying of the light, nothing. Obviously he knew that driving a Funny Car wasn't the safest occupation in the world, but still it just freaks me out when I consider that Scott Kalitta's life went from 100% to 0% in less time than it took me to write this sentence.

Polar opposites.

This is a picture of some poor bastard getting railed by the fuzz at a protest in Nepal.

This is a picture of newborn Red Pandas.

I don't have anything particularly witty to say about either picture, other than that these two pictures were #1 and #2 on the AP photosite, and the opposing nature of the pictures struck me as odd. It's probably just me that finds this interesting, but there it is.

One step closer...

So, the cat and the bear above are good friends. Anyone who ever reads my blogs or talks to me knows that I have long predicted a unification of all the animals, and I see this as being just one step closer to an all out war with the animals.

The implications of this friendship are far-reaching and disturbing. I like cats, but everyone knows that cats are far to wily for their own good. Cats are also one of the few animals that seem to kill just for the pure joy of spilling blood. Also, cats are stealthy. What happens when you combine the natural cunning, the thirst for blood and the stealth with a bear's natural strength and invincibility? You get a cat-bear, and that my friends spells doom for mankind, at least until Skynet goes up, and maybe even then.

On the surface, it may seem incongruous that the cats and the bears would unite, and I have to admit that even I have long predicted a monkey/bear alliance, which could still happen. If you think about it for a little bit, it makes sense. Cats sleep 22 hours a day. Bears sleep for months at a time. Cats like fish. Bears can fish. Cats like to interrupt humans while reading newspapers. Bears eat humans. The symbiotic relationship that exists between a cat and a bear is evident only when considered at length, but once discovered, eerily strong.

In conclusion, I advise you to beware. If you notice your cat hanging out with bears, put an end to that immediately. If the bear won't go away or begins to try and sneak in your house at night to frolic with your cat, I advise laying down a protective field of anti-bear mines. Finally, if your cat simply won't stop it's longing for the bear, you're going to need to move. Where, I don't know, but just make sure it is a bear-free area, because the cycle must be broken before it's too late.

Bo Diddley Dead.

So, today I learned that Bo Diddley died. Most have probably heard of Bo, and if you haven't actually heard his music, you have probably heard George Thorogood plays his songs. His hits include "Who do you love" and "I'm a Man", and he gained a great amount of fame in the late 80's via his "Bo don't know Diddley" commercials with Bo Jackson. Bo Jackson, incidentally, is my favorite athlete of all time, but that's really neither here nor there.

Anyway, it sucks that ol' Bo is gone. He was a showman, he had his own unique style and he wrote good songs. The old bluesmen are all dropping off the face of the earth, and there isn't a whole lot of them left. I advise listening to some BB King and Buddy Guy now, while they are still alive.

Enjoy the video, which was made at some point in the 70's and just shows Bo playing guitar and hollering. Godspeed, Bo.