Goodbye, John Lynch.

John Lynch has left the Broncos. This sucks. John Lynch was one of the few professional athletes around that really lived up to the ideal of athlete as role model. A good citizen, a great football player, and a guy that I deeply regret was not a life-long Bronco. When (not if, when.) he goes into the Hall of Fame, I imagine it will be as a Buccaneer, but Lynch really did the Bronco's proud and I wouldn't be surprised or disappointed if he ended up on the Broncos Ring of Fame. Probably not, given he was only here 5 years, but he deserves to be up there as much as anyone.

Godspeed, John Lynch. I wish you good luck, as long as it isn't against the Broncos.

Sumerians are Hilarious.

Exciting news: The worlds oldest joke has been documented! The joke dates back to 1900 BC, and is credited to the Sumerians. Here is the joke:

"Something which has never occurred since time immemorial; a young woman did not fart in her husband's lap."

Huh. Well, I guess if nothing else this proves that fart jokes have been funny for a lot longer than I would have thought.

I would like to write more, but I hurt my back the other day and simply don't feel like sitting here. Sorry.

A knife that helps.

So, I guess this isn't super recent news, but knife manufacturer Benchmade is making a pink handled version of their popular "Griptilian" knife. 10% of all wholesale profits from this knife go to breast cancer research. I believe everyone should carry a knife with them, and for those of you that have an interest in helping breast cancer research out, here is as good a chance as any to combine the two.

As far as the knife itself goes, Benchmade is a very reputable company and the Griptilian series of knives have been very well received. There are four different versions of the knife for sale on the Benchmade website, all at a cost of $90.00. That may seem a bit steep for those of you not in tune with the world of knives, but that is a pretty good price for a very good knife that will give you a lifetime of service. Trust me, there is a HUGE difference between cheap-o knives and this one, and $90.00 isn't a particularly bad price for what you get.

http://www.benchmade.com/products/product_detail.aspx?model=55X-PNK

Tactically, the pink handle has some value. When I was in the USMC, I carried a pink Spyderco. It was easy to find if I dropped it, no one wanted to steal it, and I always sort of got a kick out of it. Personally, I will probably be buying one of these knives. I have wanted a Griptilian in general for a while, and if I can get one with the awesome pink handle and help breast cancer research, so much the better.

Here is a little video that shows you what it looks like. Why they opt to call it a "knife edged tool" and not just a "knife", I have no idea.

Batman: Good or Bad?

So, I went to go see the new Batman movie. Let me just get the initial suspense out of the way and say that I really enjoyed it. A couple of the action scenes were over the top, even for a Batman movie, but those are pretty minor complaints when compared against the rest of the movie.

The main thing about this movie is that Heath Ledger was awesome. It doesn't happen very often, but if I wouldn't have know that was Heath Ledger, I wouldn't have known it was Heath Ledger. I cannot fathom how his performance wouldn't be Oscar-worthy, although it appears that the Academy is somewhat unwilling to nominate dead people for awards. I very honestly think that his performance was as good as Charlize Theron's in "Monster". In fact, in some ways, I think Ledger's performance was better because Charlize Theron had the benefit of having an actual person to base her performance on. The Joker, as you may or may not know, isn't real.

Christian Bale makes a pretty good Batman, to include the relatively stupid Batman voice. This was brought up in conversation today, and the fact is that the gravelly voice that sounds a bit fake is accurate to the comics. I mean, Batman can't sound like Bruce Wayne, right? Anyway, aside from the voice, Bale is able to come across as intense, and that's good.

The way that the Harvey Dent issue was handled was good, and unexpected. Gary Oldman rules as Commissioner Gordon, and Maggie Gyllenhall is adequate. I am not a big Maggie Gyllenhall fan, so I am a little biased.

Anyway, if you like superhero movies, this is a pretty good one, and is arguably the best of the bunch, thanks to the fact that there is some real drama mixed in with, you know, a guy dressed as a bat. I found Iron Man to be more entertaining, but The Dark Knight is probably more compelling. In any event, you should see it.

Karma Pwns Loser.

See this picture? It was taken two weeks after this guy was arrested in a drunken driving accident in which he seriously injured a woman. In fact, the woman was still in the hospital, recovering, when this picture was taken. Luckily, he put this picture up on his Facebook page with the title "Remorseful??". The prosecutor found them and used them to show the judge that this guy was an "unrepentant partier".

Now, this guy, Matthew Lipton, is getting two years in jail, in large part because of this picture.

Pwnd.

How stupid are you, Matthew Lipton? You wrote letters of apology to the family, and then you go and do this? All that tells me is that you are an insincere little punk that deserves jail. The article says that you were so upset you left college, but evidently not so upset as to keep from wearing a prisoner outfit at a party. You deserve what you got, Matthew Lipton.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20080719/ap_on_hi_te/tec_facebook_evidence

Shooting is awesome.

Is there really anything I could say that would make this funnier?

Rampant indecency is ruining the world.

This video, found at Neatorama as so much of my stuff is, shows a truly horrifying thing: This baby is not wearing pants. Look, I know India is a country with some poverty issues, but if they could afford a pink blanket for this baby to lie on, surely they could afford a pair of pants.

Now, before you go thinking I am being a touch elitist, let me point out that it doesn't have to be pants. They could have taken the pink blanket and fashioned a dress, and that would have have been fine. A skirt, a more traditional Indian sari, even a toga would have all been possible, but no. This poor baby has to suffer the indignity of running around with a bare bottom.

Frankly, it is this type of parenting that is bringing the world to a quick end. I think there is no excuse for this type of thing, and I motion that a non-profit "Pants for India" organization be founded. Surely we wealthy Americans can spare a few pairs of precious pants for the children.

Anyway, if you think you can stand the heartbreak of seeing a bare-assed baby crawling about, please watch the video. With any luck, your heart will be as touched as mine and you will take action.

One more reason to hate the Chiefs.

Boy, do I ever hate the Kansas City Chiefs. They are my least favorite football team. As a Bronco fan, our traditional enemy is the Raiders, and I hate them too, but the Chiefs edge them out by a fairly large margin. There are any number of reasons to hate the Chiefs, but now I have a new one: They are banning standing up at their games.

Are you kidding me? You're not supposed to stand up and get rowdy at a football game? That is literally the stupidest rule I have ever heard of in football or any other sport. I can understand that the goal of the rule is to keep jackasses (of whom there is an inexhaustible supply at Chiefs games) from standing up and ruining someone else's good time, but to flatly ban it is ri-freaking-diculous.

Stupid Chiefs, how I hate you...

By the way, if you think I am making this up, check out the link provided, which includes another link to the KC Chiefs website that shows the "fan rules" in their full infamy.

http://sports.yahoo.com/nfl/blog/shutdown_corner/post/Fans-are-asked-to-treat-Chiefs-games-like-bowlin?urn=nfl,91291